PREFERS TO BUY ONLINE
GIRL approaches SALESWOMAN at counter.
GIRL
I love these earrings. Do you sell them online?
SALESWOMAN
Actually we don't sell merchandise online, but I'd be happy
to ring you up right here.
GIRL
No, that's okay. Let me see if anyone is selling your product
used on ebay.
SALESWOMAN
Why do you prefer to buy it online.
GIRL
It's easier. I pay electronically and then it ships right to
my door.
SALESWOMAN
But you can pay electronically here and I'll hand you the
product.
GIRL
I don't have my credit card here. I just have the number
memorized.
SALESWOMAN
Oh. Ah, look I see you have bought something with us before,
in 2005, and I can just charge this to that account.
GIRL
I guess. Let me see the packaging you'll use.
SALESWOMAN
I'm just going to place this in a bag.
GIRL
I demand bubblewrap. Snugly pressing my products against the
cardboard.
SALESWOMAN
But I... okay, okay... I can prepare it that way.
GIRL
And then can you mail it to this address?
SALESWOMAN
I can just hand it to you RIGHT NOW.
GIRL
So bulky!
SALESWOMAN
They're EARRINGS.
GIRL
I like got get mail! It makes me feel alive!
SALESWOMAN
Fine! I'll mail it to you. I'll have it shipped to your door.
GIRL
What other products might I enjoy, if I enjoy this product?
SALESWOMAN
Excuse me?
GIRL
I'm accustomed to being upsold at this time.
SALESWOMAN
Well, I don't know. You might like some other silver earrings.
GIRL
Other silver earrings? Don't you want to cross-promote a
different type of product altogether? Some books? A tutoring service?
SALESWOMAN
No, we don't sell those things.
GIRL
I'd like to change the items in my cart.
SALESWOMAN
You're not holding a cart.
GIRL
Not a real one. Wait, there are real carts?
SALESWOMAN
Sigh. Here. Place your hand in this. It will transport you
into the internet where you can live out the rest of your life.
The SALESWOMAN takes out a white plastic box the size of a
pencil sharpener. There's the imprint of a hand in it.
GIRL
Okay.
The GIRL crackles, becomes translucent, then vanishes.
SALESWOMAN
My commissions are terrible.