APOLOGY

Two MEN stand in a room. They are facing each other, exhausted, panting and sweating.

MAN 1

I should apologize for that.

MAN 2

I should too

MAN 1

I really lost my head, screamed a lot.

MAN 2

I know. I was saying crazy stuff just now too. Very angry.

MAN 1

I called you a cancer. That was wrong.

MAN 2

I shouldn't have compared you to so many genocides.

MAN 1

I'm sorry I flung all those shoes at you.

MAN 2

It was wrong of me to surprise you with that wheelbarrow.

MAN 1

So many nails! I threw so many nails at you!

MAN 2

They hurt! Then again, did I need to catch your nutsack skin in a vice?

MAN 1

No, you did not. Nor did I need to correctly articulate your faults as a person.

MAN 2

That's for sure. But did I need to speculate on the sexual transgressions of your wife? And mother?

MAN 1

Nope. Just like I didn't need to punch your windpipe exactly 53 times.

MAN 2

I doubt your knees needed to be whacked with an oak board like I did.

MAN 1

No more than your eyeballs needed to be squished so decisively by me.

MAN 2

Or your left eardrum plucked out by my thumbs.

MAN 1

Sorry about the acidic spray.

MAN 2

And the mace shower.

MAN 1

And calling you mean.

MAN 2

And calling you mean.

MAN 1

I was mean.

MAN 2

I was too.

They begin to fight.