THE DING DONG CREW
A dinner table of distinguished British guests, including Sir
Arthur Conan Doyle. Everyone is chattering loudly.
GUEST 1
Gentlemen, a toast! To Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and his
brilliant literary creation Mr. Sherlock Holmes. To you, Sir Doyle!
Everyone cheers. DOYLE stands up.
DOYLE
Thank you, friends! As long as I have you all here I'd like
to announce that I have a new literary creation which will surpass the success
of Holmes!
The crowd murmurs with great interest. DOYLE reaches down
besides his chair and grabs a swath of papers.
DOYLE
Coming soon, my new creation: The Ding Dong Crew.
Silence from the table.
GUEST 2
The... Ding Dong Crew?
DOYLE
Yes, my new creation The Ding Dong Crew follows a gang of
lively British youths as they travel through society, tweaking the upper class,
always ending their adventures with their signature catch phrase "Ding Dong!"
GUEST 1
Well good luck Sir Doyle. I must say that I will probably
keep focusing on your detective stoires.
DOYLE
I will no longer be writing Sherlock Holmes stories. Just The
Ding Dong Crew.
GUEST 2
Doyle! That is stupid! Holmes is one of the greatest literary
creations in British history!
DOYLE
Not as much as Spankies, the leader of the Ding Dong Crew!
With his suspenders and his bucket of moss!
GUEST 3
You are making a terrible mistake!
DOYLE
Much like Elizabetts, the only girl in the Ding Dong Crew
with her pet mongoose and her 14 breasts!
GUEST 1
Please just write Holmes stories.
DOYLE
I will write only one more Holmes story, and it's one where
he and the Ding Dong Crew visit the Royal Palace and paint it an unflattering
shade of muave. Oh you Ding Dongs!
GUEST 1
Dinner adjourned forever.
BLACKOUT