CONCERNED HOT DOG VENDOR
A MAN approaches a VENDOR manning a hot dog cart.
MAN
One hot dog please.
VENDOR
No, you're too fat.
MAN
That's not your business.
VENDOR
I won't be party to your self-destruction. No hot dogs. You
want a water?
MAN
No! I want a hot dog.
VENDOR
Take it elsewhere, fatty. I won't have your heart attack on
my conscience.
JOGGING MAN approaches.
JOGGING MAN
One hot dog, please.
VENDOR
Yes, sir.
Gives a hot dog, JOGGING MAN jogs off.
MAN
Because he's exercising?
VENDOR
Yeah, he'll burn off the fat.
FAT JOGGING MAN jogs up. He's wearing a suit.
FAT JOGGING MAN
One hot dog, please.
VENDOR
Nice try, fuck off.
FAT JOGGING MAN nods and runs off.
MAN
My heart is in fine shape. Just sell me a hot dog.
VENDOR
Do you have any documentation on that?
MAN
I do, in fact. I just went to the doctor's. Here's his
analysis of my health. He says my heart's fine.
MAN presents a file. VENDOR inspects.
VENDOR
I'll be damned. All right, one hot dog.
MAN
Thanks, and a Pepsi.
VENDOR
Not with teeth like that. Here's some floss.
MAN
No.
VENDOR
Take care of yourself. What would your wife say?
MAN
I'm not married.
VENDOR
Fine. Here's some cologne and a good book.
MAN
Pardon me?
VENDOR
Smell good, and have something to talk about. Not roll along
fatty.
SECOND FAT JOGGING MAN WITH GIRL jogs up.
SECOND FAT JOGGING MAN WITH GIRL
My wife says I can have a hot dog.
VENDOR
Fine, now it's not my responsibility.
MAN
How socially un-progressive!
VENDOR
I know what I'm doing.
MAN has a heart attack and dies.
VENDOR
My conscience is clean.
Sure.