"Harold Night 2003" by Will Hines. The story headline is "A game of yes, and, text & improv". The story genre is "Treasure Hunt". The release number is 16. The story description is "You wander the UCB Theatre, learn improv lessons, do some crazys 8s then do a scene on the stage. And then get notes on your performance." The story creation year is 2013. Release along with cover art, a website, an interpreter, the introductory booklet and the source text. Include Locksmith by Emily Short. Include Basic Screen Effects by Emily Short. Include Modern Conveniences by Emily Short. Include List Controller by Eric Eve. [Include Player Experience Upgrade by Aaron Reed.] Include Small Kindnesses by Aaron Reed. [Include Neutral Library Messages by Aaron Reed.] Include Extended Grammar by Aaron Reed. After printing the banner text, say "To see a list of who helped, type CREDITS.". When play begins: say "2003. New York City. You are standing just outside the entrance to the UCB Theatre, one of the premier comedy theaters in the country. You're an improviser on one of the theater's house teams, The Lament. Tonight is Harold Night, the weekly showcase when the house teams perform. You'd like a little insurance you're going to have a good show. [para]Here's the plan: There are 8 teachers spread throughout the theatre. They will each give you an improv lesson in exchange for a gift. Go inside, find the gifts, find the teachers, get the lessons. After you have all the lessons, find your team and do your show.". The description of the player is "You're an improviser. You're wearing just slightly less than fashionable clothes. You're jumpy with excitement [if location is Arena] that you are doing your show[else]that you get to do a show tonight[end if]." Part 0 - Tutorial Use scoring. The maximum score is 20. howto is a kind of thing. a howto can be taught or untaught. a howto is usually untaught. looking-how is a howto. moving-how is a howto. examine-how is a howto. getting-how is a howto. inventory-how is a howto. bitting-how is a howto. giving-how is a howto. recapping-how is a howto. Tutorial is a scene. Tutorial begins when play begins. Tutorial ends when the score is 1. [When play begins: say "Have you played interactive fiction before? >"; now tutorial mode is whether or not the player consents.] tutorial mode is a truth state that varies. tutorial mode is true. Stopping tutorial mode is an action out of world. Starting tutorial mode is an action out of world. Understand "tutorial mode off" or "tutorial off" as stopping tutorial mode. Understand "tutorial mode on" or "tutorial on" as starting tutorial mode. Carry out stopping tutorial mode: now tutorial mode is false. Carry out starting tutorial mode: now tutorial mode is true. Report stopping tutorial mode: say "Tutorial off." Report starting tutorial mode: say "Tutorial on." After printing the locale description when the player is in Entrance: if tutorial mode is true: if looking-how is untaught: say "[i]HOW TO PLAY: For the first phase of this game, there's going to be instructions (like this) in italics to teach you what commands you can use. If you don't want these instructions type TUTORIAL OFF.[para]First command: type LOOK to re-print the description of your current location[/i]."; now looking-how is taught; else if moving-how is untaught: say "[i]Great! You LOOKed. Now, you can move to a different room by typing compass directions: N S E W U or D for north, south, east, west, up or down. The possible directions from your current location are listed in the upper right-hand corner (after the word EXITS). For now, try typing D for down.[/i]."; now moving-how is taught. After printing the locale description when the player is in Lobby for the first time: if the player is not holding the sword and the sword is in the Lobby and tutorial mode is true: say "[i]Excellent! You moved to a new room, The Lobby. There are about 30 locations in this game. You might want to make a map.[paragraph break]Now: See that sword? Try examining it by typing X SWORD. X stands for 'examine'[/i]."; now examine-how is taught; else: continue the action. After examining the sword for the first time: if tutorial mode is true: say "[i]You examined it! Hey, you're doing great! Examining things gives you more info about them.[paragraph break]Now, the sword is a gift, which is why it's printed in boldfaced type. That means you'll need to give it to a teacher later. So pick it up. Type GET SWORD and press enter[/i]."; now getting-how is taught; else: continue the action. After taking the sword for the first time: if tutorial mode is true: say "[i]You took the sword! Now type I -- that's the letter i, which stands for 'inventory' -- to check what you're carrying[/i]."; now inventory-how is taught; else: continue the action. After lessoning for the first time: if the player is in the lobby and The Bar is unvisited and tutorial mode is true: say "[i]So now you see what you are carrying. Checking inventory also tells you what improv lessons you know. [paragraph break]The teacher who wants that sword is west of here. Try going west by typing W[/i]."; else: continue the action. After printing the locale description when Billy is in the Bar and the player is in the Bar for the first time: if tutorial mode is true: say "[i]You've almost learned everything. Hang in there.[paragraph break]You've moved to a place called The Bar, and there is someone named Billy Merritt here. He's a teacher, which is why his name is printed in boldfaced type. That means you have to give him a gift.[paragraph break]Two ways to figure out what gift teachers want --- one is to examine them (X BILLY). The other way is to DO BITS WITH them. 'Doing bits' means joking, and it's the way improv people communicate. Try typing DO BITS WITH BILLY and pressing enter[/i]."; now bitting-how is taught; else: continue the action. After bitting Billy the first time: if tutorial mode is true: say "[i]Ok, so Billy could use a ninja sword. You can also tell he wants it because he is described as 'eyeing' it when you carry it into this room. Try typing GIVE SWORD TO BILLY[/i]."; now giving-how is taught; else: continue the action. When Tutorial ends: if tutorial mode is true and YesAnding is known: say "[i]You did it! You gave Billy (teacher) the gift he wanted (sword). And he taught you a lesson as your reward. There are 8 lessons total. Start exploring rooms to find gifts and teachers.[paragraph break]Two other commands: type RECAP for a summary of what we just learned. And if you type HINT, you'll get a hint of what to do next. GOOD LUCK[/i]!"; now recapping-how is taught; now tutorial mode is false; continue the action. Last error is indexed text that varies. The last error is "get sword". Before printing a parser error: now the last error is the player's command. Part 1 - Improv Moves Things are usually marked for listing. A improv move is a kind of thing. An improv move can be known or unknown. An improv move is usually unmarked for listing. An improv move is usually unknown. YesAnding is an improv move. The printed name of YesAnding is "yes and". The description of YesAnding is "This is the big one. The main rule of improv. It dictates that you confirm what was said by your partner, and then you add to it. And that you will in general have a spirit of 'saying yes' to the flow of the scene." Understand "saying yes" and "agreement" and "agree" and "yes and" as YesAnding. premise is an improv move. The description of premise is "Starting an improv scene with a funny idea inspired by an opening.". justifying is an improv move. Understand "justify" and "justification" and "reality" and "grounding" as justifying. The description of justifying is "Knowing 'why' your character is doing something, so it's not just an empty silly pattern.". committing is an improv move. Understand "commitment" as committing. The description of committing is "Feeling what your character feels, seeing what your character sees - that lets you see the best moves you could make.". confidence is an improv move. The description of confidence is "Being out of your head. Owning the stage. Playing like you deserve it.". specificity is an improv move. The description of specificity is "Specificity makes your choices more powerful.". simplicity is an improv move. The description of simplicity is "The simple choice is often the truest choice.". if-this-then-what is an improv move. The description of if-this-then-what is "Second only to 'yes and' -- this is what makes scenes funny. If the first unusual thing is true, what other unusual things must follow?". truth is an improv move. The description of truth is "Don't worry about jokes. Be true and it will be funny.". The player is holding YesAnding. Definition: a thing is non-improv if it is not an improv move. Instead of taking inventory: try lessoning; Lessoning is an action applying to nothing. Understand "lessons" as Lessoning. Carry out lessoning: if the number of known improv moves is 0: say "You have not yet learned any improv lessons.[br]"; else: say "You know the following improv lessons ([number of known improv moves] of 9): [br]"; let L be the list of known improv moves; repeat with im running through L: say " [im][br]"; if the number of non-improv things enclosed by the player is 0: say "[br]You are also carrying: nothing."; else: say "[br]You are also carrying: [br]"; let L be the list of non-improv things held by the player; repeat with im running through L: say " [im][br]". Definition: a person is non-player if it is not the player. Instead of dropping an improv move, say "Can't. Once you've learned it, you've learned it forever." instead. Part 2 - Teachers A teacher is a kind of person. A person can be warm or cold. People are usually warm. Teachers are usually cold. The player is cold. A person can be smokable or unsmokable. People are usually smokable. A person can be smoked or unsmoked. People are usually unsmoked. a performer is a kind of person. Before printing the name of a teacher, say "[bold type]". After printing the name of a teacher, say "[roman type]". A teacher has an object called a desired. Every turn while player can see a cold teacher (called observer): if player is holding desired of observer: say "[observer] is eyeing something you're holding.". Matt Besser is a male teacher. Understand "Besser" as Matt Besser. He is in the Box Office. The description of Besser is "Matt Besser is one of the four founders of this theater. He's tall, thin, and has a mop of black curly hair. His resting face is a skeptical gaze, and he's notoriously hard to impress. But he's also a true blue old-school improv nerd who ran one of the best workshops you've ever taken. Besser makes you feel that improv is serious business.". The desired of Besser is the flyer. Instead of showing flyer to Besser, try giving flyer to Besser. Instead of giving flyer to Besser: say "Besser looks at the flyer and is impressed. 'All right! Someone's promoting their show. I wish they were out there handing these out, but at least they've made them.' He smiles. You double-check. Yep, he's smiling."; now Besser is warm; try teaching premise; now flyer is off-stage. Ian Roberts is an unsmokable male teacher. Understand "Ian" and "Roberts" as Ian Roberts. He is in the MainSeats. The description of Ian is "Ian is one of the four founders of the theater. His manner is a combination of focused and deliberate with friendly and open --- like a kind of friendly machine. You took his class; he teaches in a way that's both confident and humble: in that he's impassioned about his approach but seems open to learning more. Ian makes improv seem like a practical craft that can be learned by memorizing rules. He's currently in the front row taking notes on the shows, all business and [if Ian is cold]his brow furrowed[else]happily intense[end if]. There's a ticket stub sticking out his shirt pocket.". The desired of Ian is the mix CD. Ticket Stub is scenery in MainSeats. Understand "stub" and "ticket" as ticket stub. The description of ticket stub is "The stub says 'Elvis Costello - Beacon Theatre'". Instead of showing CD to Ian, try giving CD to Ian. Instead of giving CD to Ian: say "Ian happily takes the mix CD and slides it into his satchel. 'Thanks!' His mood seems brighter."; now Ian is warm; try teaching justifying; now mix CD is off-stage. Delaney is a male teacher. Delaney is in CouchesRoom. Understand "Michael" and "Delaney" as Delaney. The description of Delaney is "Delaney is an amiable guru of improv. You took his class. He talks forever during it, but during those long rambles were some of the most inspiring descriptions of what improv could be that you've ever heard. He is contently drumming his fingers on the couch. He's wearing a thick flannel shirt that wouldn't look out of place on a roadie. Delaney makes you feel that improv is a religion to be respected.". fingers are scenery in CouchesRoom. The description of fingers is "They're fingers.". The desired of Delaney is an SCTV tape. Instead of showing SCTV to Delaney, try giving SCTV to Delaney. Instead of giving SCTV to Delaney: say "Delaney brightens, takes the tape and exclaims 'Thank you so much!' He offers you pot. To do it, type SMOKE POT."; now SCTV is off-stage; now Delaney is warm; try teaching specificity. Matt Walsh is a male teacher. Understand "Matt" and "Matt Walsh" as Matt Walsh. He is in Performer's Corner. The description of Walsh is "Walsh is one of the four founders of the theater. He's a very friendly person, who talks to everyone he meets like he already knows them. You took his class: he focused on people thinking of improv as disposable, in order for them to be more bold and have more fun. He's watching Harold Night, giving friendly nods to people as they pass. Walsh makes you feel like improv is fun, and that you are already good at it.". The desired of Walsh is the figure. Instead of showing figure to Walsh, try giving figure to Walsh. Instead of giving figure to Walsh: say "Walsh assumes an expression of total reverence and seriousness. He says 'I will treasure this forever.'"; now Walsh is warm; try teaching if-this-then-what; now figure is off-stage. Amy Poehler is a female teacher. Understand "Amy" and "Poehler" as Amy Poehler. Amy is in the Chill-Out Room. The description of Amy is "Amy is one of the four founders of the theater. She is short and slight, but so full of energy that she dominates the room. You took her class. She focused on character development and committment. She laughed, seemingly genuinely, at everyone who did scenes. You always walked out of that class feeling that you were an amazingly interesting person.". The desired of Amy is InsideVladimir. Instead of showing InsideVladimir to Amy, try giving InsideVladimir to Amy. Instead of giving InsideVladimir to Amy: say "She smiles and says 'Yes! I need this for an iO reunion I'm going to next week. Thanks!"; now Amy is warm; try teaching committing; now InsideVladimir is off-stage. Kevin Mullaney is an unsmokable male teacher. Understand "Kevin" and "Mullaney" as Kevin Mullaney. Kevin is in Notes. The description of Kevin is "Mullaney is a teacher who is giving notes to the harold team Police Chief Rumble. He has a welcoming expression, equal parts resigned and amused. He taught your first ever improv class, and made everything feel simple and doable. He'd hang out with your class afterwards and tell stories about improv in Chicago. He is holding a book.". The desired of Mullaney is pack of cards. Instead of showing cards to Mullaney, try giving cards to Mullaney. Instead of giving cards to Mullaney: say "Kevin takes the cards, smiles and says 'Hey, you play poker?' He invites you to the weekly tournament he holds in the offices."; now cards are off-stage; now Mullaney is warm; try teaching simplicity. Mullaney is holding a book. The description of book is "It's called 'Guide To Competitive Poker.'" Billy Merritt is a male teacher. Understand "Billy" and "Merritt" as Billy Merritt. Billy is in The Bar. The description of Billy is "Billy is one of the most popular teachers at the theater. He is a big, friendly guy who has one of these big full laughs which somehow makes you believe that you are indeed funny. His class focused on bringing more theatricality into your play: stage pictures, monologues, genres, better object work. Tonight, he's here to promote his improv wrestling show 'Piledriver' where he plays a character called The American Dream. He is in fact still dressed as an American Flag.". The desired of Billy is the sword. Instead of showing the sword to Billy, try giving sword to Billy. Instead of giving the sword to Billy: say "Billy takes the sword and says 'Ah, for my Ninja Improv class. Nice.'"; now sword is off-stage; now Billy is warm; try teaching YesAnding. Christina Gausas is an unsmokable female teacher. Understand "Christina" and "Xtina" and "Gausas" as Christina Gausas. Christina is in Vestibule. The description of Christina is "Christina is a one of the most talented actors among the UCB teachers. She possess a tremendous amount of energy, rarely sitting still. She laughs loudly and enthusastically when her students are on stage. In class, she's able to infuse students with her vibrant energy. Her classes are where students can find their inner voices and feel great.[if cold] She looks nervous, pacing around in a circle with a worried expression.[end if]". The desired of Christina is the soothing tea. Instead of showing the tea to Christina, try giving tea to Christina. Instead of giving tea to Christina: say "Christina takes the tea and gulps it down. 'Oh thank you, that is just what I needed.' Thanks for yes-anding me."; now tea is off-stage; now Christina is warm; try teaching confidence. Teaching is an action applying to one thing. Understand "Teach [something]" and "Teaching [something]" as teaching. Before teaching: if noun is not held by the player, now the player holds the noun. Check teaching: If noun is not an improv move: say "That is not an improv move." instead; else if noun is known: say "You re-learn [b][noun][/b]. Always good to reinforce fundamentals." instead; else if noun is unknown: now the player is holding noun. Carry out teaching: now the noun is known; increase the score by 1; now the player is holding the noun; Report teaching: say "As thanks for that gift, [He-She] [one of]makes a fist and opens it, revealing [or]waves [his-her] hands in the air, and suddenly there appears [or]snaps [his-her] fingers, creating [or]blinks [his-her] eyes sharply, and in front of you appears [or]reaches above [his-her] head, and plucks out of thin air [cycling] a sphere of light which floats towards you and enters your soul. This sphere of light was an improv lesson -- the lesson of [b][noun][/b]. [description of noun][para]"; if number of known improv moves is: -- 1: if tutorial mode is false: say "All right, that's your first improv lesson!"; -- 2: say "Two lessons. Good. Of course you know all these lessons already, but by getting them again tonight, you are reinforcing them so that you can do a great show."; -- 3: say "Three lessons down. You're feeling more and more ready."; -- 4: say "Four lessons. You're halfway to getting all you need to know."; -- 5: say "Five lessons. You're getting really excited to do this!"; -- 6: say "Six lessons. Just two more and you can do the show!"; -- 7: say "Seven lesssons. Just one more! Oh man!"; -- 8: say "Eighth lesson. That's all you need. Find your team The Lament backstage, and do the show."; continue the action. Every turn when Beat is not happening: if player can see a warm unbitted teacher (called guru): say "[guru] looks like [he-she] wants to do another bit[if guru is Besser]. Really[end if].". Part 3 - Talking with People [he she] The last mentioned thing is a thing that varies. After printing the name of something (called the target): now the last mentioned thing is the target. To say he-she: if the last mentioned thing is female, say "she"; otherwise say "he". To say his-her: if the last mentioned thing is female, say "her"; otherwise say "his". To say him-her: if the last mentioned thing is female, say "her"; otherwise say "him". Talking to is an action applying to one thing. Understand "talk to [something]" as talking. Understand "talk with [something]" as talking. Instead of talking to someone: say "Regular talking with people is not allowed in this theater. Try [b]DO BITS WITH[/b] and then the name of the person."; Instead of asking someone about something: say "Don't ask questions. Haven't you taken Improv 101?". [yes anding] Yessing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "yesand [something]" or "y [something]" or "yes [something]" as yessing. Carry out yessing: say "You use [noun] in an awesome bit!". Chapter 1 - Doing Bits Bitting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "doing bits with [something]" as bitting. Understand "do bit with [something]" as bitting. Understand "do bits with [something]" as bitting. Understand "do a bit with [something]" as bitting. An object can be bitted or unbitted. An object is usually unbitted. Check bitting: if noun is player: say "The only bit you can do with yourself is pursuing long-form improv for several years." instead; if player is in Arena: say "Uh, everything is a bit here. You are currently in the middle of a comedy show." instead. Carry out bitting: if noun is an improv group: say "You tell [noun] that they've been booked for the Showtime National Short-Form Festival. They all cheer." instead; if noun is not a person: if noun is Will Hines: say "Your bit is telling Will that he is currently a character in a text adventure that he creates in the future. He nods and says 'That makes sense.'" instead; else if noun is Kevin Hines: say "Your bit for Kevin is telling him that he will one day be one of the most popular teachers at the UCB and on a weekend team. He says 'Great! Maybe then I'll get a callback at the next Harold auditions!'" instead; else if noun is skull: say "You do a bit with the skull. 'Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him...' Ah, never mind, this is too obvious." instead; else if noun is DVD: say "You do a bit with the DVD. You pretend that you were in the show." instead; else if noun is ucbers or noun is ioers: say "You're too scared to do bits with Del's students in front of him." instead; else: say "Sure, why not. You do a bit with the [noun]." instead; if noun is: -- Besser: if Besser is cold: say "You start to do a bit, but Besser interrupts and grouses that no one promotes their shows anymore. 'Someone prove to me that people still promote their shows!'"; else: say "You look like you want to do a bit. Besser picks up on that and invites you to join his short-form improv troupe 'Comedy Squad'. That is a bit. He did not belong to such a thing."; -- Roberts: if Roberts is cold: say "You want to do a bit, but Ian looks uninterested. He mumbles how he wishes he could do a new sketch show every year, the way his favorite musician Elvis Costello releases an album every year."; else: say "You tell him you love short form. Roberts picks up on the bit so fast it's not clear he's joking when he says 'I hate to do this, but the philosophy of my theater compels me to ban you forever.' and he points to the door. Great use of philosophy. Also, though he's clearly joking but you can sense he will not drop this bit for the rest of his life. Ian makes you take this seriously."; -- Walsh: if Walsh is cold: say "He nods in a friendly way, but doesn't seem interested in doing a bit right now. You notice he is wearing a Chicago Bears T-shirt."; else: say "You and Walsh do a bit where you both agree it would be smart to walk up to Louis C.K. at a party and ask to pick his brain about comedy. Walsh says that would be a terrific idea, urging you to do it. 'You should, ' he says. 'Walk right up to everyone famous, ever, and say 'Hey, could I pick your brain?' "; -- Poehler: if Amy is cold: say "She's in a good mood, but seems pre-occupied and doesn't want to do a bit. She mumbles to herself 'Where did I put that painting?'"; else: say "You and Amy do a bit where the Wu-Tang clan was just here, looking for you. In the bit, Method Man is very OCD about keeping track of friends of the Wu-Tang. Amy insists that RZA got all of his ideas from watching you guys play Pictionary. "; -- Mullaney: if Mullaney is cold: say "Mullaney doesn't seem interested in doing bits. He seems a bit pre-occupied by a book he's holding."; else: say "You and Mullaney do a bit where you and he want to do an improv show called 'Zero Beats' in which nothing happens. 'Actually I might want to do that,' he considers after you're done doing the bit."; -- Delaney: if Delaney is cold: say "Delaney doesn't seem into a bit right now. Instead, he mumbles hello and calls you by a name that is wrong but close enough to your real name that he might be joking. You tell him you admired his last show, and he admits he nicked one of the characters from something Rick Moranis did on an old episode of SCTV. Then he says he's recently lost a VHS tape of SCTV episodes that he misses."; else: say "Delaney's bit is just barely a bit and is actually mostly true: he tells you that one day you and he will leave this godforsaken theater and go to Vermont and open a proper book store, like decent human beings. It doesn't sound like a bit as much as sincere plea to change both of your lives. It somehow makes you laugh and also re-think your whole life."; -- Billy: if Billy is cold: say "Billy's not really into a bit. Instead, he tells you about his Ninja Improv class where the students dress up as ninjas and only do improv in a bright spotlight. Yes, that is a class that happened."; else: say "Actually it's YOU who want to do a bit, but you're nervous. You make a tentative joke (something about ninjas and the FSU football team). It's weak, but Billy laughs. And he has a big confident laugh that convinces you and many nervous new performers just like you that you are indeed funny."; -- Christina: if Christina is cold: say "Christina says 'Oh, I can't do bits right now. I have an audition tomorrow morning and I'm a nervous wreck. If only I had a way to calm down.'"; else: say "Christina begins her bit. She makes intense eye contact and says 'Where were you last night? We were supposed to meet at the top of the Empire State Building? Don't you remember? You PROMISED me, you jerk!' She folds her arms and spins away from you defiantly, but also giggling so you know it's a joke."; -- Del: if Del is cold: say "No bits. I'm looking for an object that will really blow my mind."; else: say "Del says 'You want a bit?' He then looks at you and does the PERFECT BIT. Oh man, it's the funniest thing anyone has ever said to you! So funny that your brain struggles to hold on to the memory of it and you can feel it fading….. fading…. "; if pamphlet is in iO Theatre: say "You vanish and reappear in the UCB Theatre…wait.... things have... changed."; now skull is in iO Theatre; now player is in NYC Improv Megapolis; else: say "You vanish and reappear in the Chill-Out room of the UCB Theatre."; now player is in Chill-Out Room; now the player is holding the skull; say "Amy says, 'Oh, you found the Del skull. Cool.'"; -- John Flynn: say "John makes a series of judgments about how badly improvisers shop for pants."; -- Gethard: say "You challenge Gethard to a fight with broadswords, which unfortunately for both of you he accepts."; -- Charlie: say "Charlie challenges you to a ten hour game of Axis and Allies. It's a bit but also he would do it."; -- Chris: say "Chris's bit is that he invites you to pitch for the Detroit Tigers and then refers to you as if you were the drummer of the early 80s soft-rock group Toto."; -- Katie: say "Katie says she's do bits later, asks if you have any cigarettes, then gets pulled back into the notes discussion."; -- David: say "David is not into bits, He says he wants to give you a book, and can't decide between 'Black Swan Green' by David Mitchell or 'Farts' by Bobcat Goldthwait. Wait, that WAS a bit."; -- Jeff: say "Jeff won't do a bit right now. Instead, he apologizes for being bad in an indie show he performed with you at, which is weird because at that show he got a standing ovation."; -- Angeliki: say "Instead of a bit, Angeliki compliments you on your last show in a warm and affecting way, and what's more is she seems to have actually watched it."; -- MacLaughlin: say "MacLaughlin is ready to do a bit. He describes the proper way to gut a hostile vagabond, should one attack you."; -- Bobby: say "Bobby launches into a bit where you and he reminisce about being cast members of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, something which is not true."; -- Pat Baer: say "Pat says 'Did you see 'Kung-Fu Grip' with Huebel and Riggle? Oh my God. It. Was. Awesome. Oh and I don't feel like doing bits right now.'"; -- Arnie: say "Arnie dryly suggests that you two perform all of your scenes in Esperanto. That would be fun, he states."; -- Dennis: say "Dennis speaks with the perfect mannerisms and voice of the actor Michael Caine. No reason that you can discern."; -- Victor: say "Victor tells you the true story of how earlier today in Herald Square he almost got into a fistfight with a horse."; -- Cecile: say "Cecile's eyes are big and wide and excited. She smiles genuinely and pats your back happily."; -- Michelle: say "Michelle regards you with a withering deadpan glare for a moment, then playfully bares her teeth and pretends to devour Arnie's head."; -- Jenna: say "Jenna points out that there is no difference between being backstage for a Harold or waiting to be executed."; -- Henry: say "Henry waves off talking, he's trying to save energy. He's also sweat completely through his shirt."; -- Sarah: say "You and Sarah briefly pretend that you are both manifestations of the color blue."; -- Lennon: say "Lennon gestures you to come closer, and once you learn forward she whispers into your ear 'I. Am. Made. Of. Waterbirds."; -- Joe: say "Joe says bits are dumb. Then asks if you're on that website Friendzo and that maybe you two should be Friendzos."; -- Brett: say "Brett states that he is very into Cascading Style Sheets. He admits it's not a joke, but it is something he's interested in discussing."; -- Risa: say "Risa makes a tiny fist and mimes swinging it at you. Then smiles and pats your back. 'How's that? Good bit?'"; -- Zach: say "Zach's bit is earnestly asking you how you are. You spend about ten minutes in silence contemplating your whole life."; -- Erik: say "Erik's bit is asking if the blowjob machine is fixed. When you say you don't know what he means, he points at his own crotch. Then he laughs and asks, seriously, if you've read the novel 2066 and what do you think of it?"; -- Anthony: say "Anthony does a logical bit. He points out that you're spying, and that could probably be arrested for terrorism."; -- Chuck: say "Chuck's bit is a startlingly good impersonation of Bing Crosby for a few seconds before shrugging it off."; -- Terry: say "Terry has no time for bits. Instead, he says 'I was a student at Ithaca College taking a trip to Chicago where I saw a show at ImprovOlympic theatre. There on the floor was a pamphlet, ' (he shows you the pamphlet YOU dropped there in 1994). 'Using the information in this pamphlet I was able to beat the UCB at forming an improv theatre in NYC, and then quickly and easily grew it into the most powerful corporate improv force on the planet Earth. I not only OWN improv now, I AM improv. And YOU work for me!' Then he laughs maniacally."; end the story finally saying "You make cookie-cutter improv for the rest of your life."; -- Neil: say "Neil is too occupied with fixing the modem to do bits. You hear him say to Chad something you don't understand but which sounds like : '[one of]Let's Linux up the server kernel[or]Low-level telnet port is ramped[or]Linux Minix Red Hat BSD[or]Try rebooting it[at random].'"; -- Chad: say "Chad is too occupied with fixing the modem to do bits. You hear him say to Neil something you don't understand but which sounds like: '[one of]Just a guess: reformat sector 4xAB?[or]A hunch: let's solder the transitors with my home-made laser[or]Just for the heck of it: let's teach this thing to learn[or]Try rebooting it[at random].'"; -- Superfan: say "No bits from Superfan. This is an always-serious creature. Instead you get advice: '[one of]I prefer an improviser who remembers rather than invents[or]The pattern game is truly the most noble of all openings[or]I prefer my connections to be organic, not forced[or]I do not like my initiations to be ham-fisted, rather natural[or]Walk-ons are like pepper, let's not have too much spice[or]There is no more beautiful and wild creature than The Harold[at random].'"; -- otherwise: say "You say something false as if it were true, and the person agrees." Report bitting: if noun is a cold teacher: say "[noun] has an improv lesson for you, if you give [him-her] the right gift."; else: if the noun is not bitted or noun is Terry Jinn: now the noun is bitted; else: if noun is person: say "(And yeah, you've already done that bit but you both pretend to not notice.)"; else: say "You've done that bit but aren't sure people heard you the first time.". Chapter 2 - Warming Up Every turn: if the player is cold: if the player is in Nasty or the player is in Backstage and a random chance of 1 in 9 succeeds: say "Man you're stressed, and you have to do a show soon! You need to warm up (type WARM UP to do this). You can do so multiple times, and it's best with your team.". Warming Up is an action applying to nothing. Understand "crazy 8s" or "do crazy 8s" or "crazy eights" or "do crazy eights" or "warm up" as warming up. Check warming up: if player is in Arena: say "Uh, you're already on stage?" instead. Carry out warming up: if player can see Terry Jinn: say "Terry refuses to warm-up. His cold calculated stare makes you not want to either."; else if player can see The Lament: say "You and The Lament sneak off to the back hallway and do a quick round of crazy eights, then go back to the backstage. Warming up with your team is the best!"; else if player can see an improv group (called observer): say "You[if player is in House] (quietly, to not disturb the show)[end if] start a quick round of crazy eights. [observer] joins in."; else if player can see a non-player person (called observer): say "You[if player is in House] (quietly, to not disturb the show)[end if] start a quick round of crazy eights. [observer] joins in."; else: say "You[if player is in House] (quietly, to not disturb the show)[end if] do a quick round of solo crazy eights. Ah, you feel warm."; if observer is Besser: say "Besser grins and adds 'I'm not above crazy 8s.' Then he gets serious and says 'Though I think most warm ups are kinda bs, right? Just do scenes.'"; else if observer is Delaney: say "Delaney says 'That might have been the first time I've ever done that.'"; else if observer is Amy: say "Amy adds 'Next time we're going to freestyle rap for half an hour; warm this shit up right.'"; else if observer is Billy: say "Billy adds 'Generally, I prefer to bobsled. For a warm-up. You don't know the bobsled warm-up?'"; else if observer is Walsh: say "Walsh does Crazy 8s with you, but he just uses his fingers. 'Del told me that was okay,' he assures."; else if observer is Ian: say "Ian does surprisingly energetic crazy 8s, and then says to the audience 'I apologize for that, but as a founder of the theater I felt compelled to yes-and.'"; else if observer is Mullaney: say "Mullaney starts to ask if you've heard of this new warm-up he learned from a group in Minneapolis, then says he'll tell you later."; else if observer is Christina: say "Christina gamely runs through crazy 8s with you."; else if observer is Gethard: say "Gethard says if you were bad ass, you'd do that shit AND be yes-anding the way each other said it. Just saying, he says."; else if observer is Terry Jinn: say "There is no point to warming up."; if the player is cold: say "(You can warm-up whenever you want, around whoever you want [if noun is not the lament]- you get a point for warming up with your team[end if])."; now the player is warm. Instead of warming up when the player can see Amy for more than one time: say "You and Amy free-style rap for half an hour.". Instead of warming up when the player can see Ian for more than one time: say "Ian says 'I should just watch the shows now.'". After warming up when the player can see The Lament the first time: increase the score by 1; record "warmed up with your team" in Table of Notes. Chapter 3 - Clapping, Laughing, Grass, Cards pot is a thing. The description of pot is "a decently potent helping of marijuana". Understand "weed" and "marijuana" and "grass" as pot. Smoking pot is an action applying to one thing. Understand "smoking with [someone]" and "smoke with [someone]" and "smoke pot with [someone]" and "smoke weed with [someone]" as smoking pot. Check smoking pot: if player is not carrying pot and noun is not Delaney: say "You don't have any." instead; else if noun is not a person: say "Not a good idea" instead; else if noun is unsmokable: say "[noun] politely declines."; else if noun is an improv group: if noun is The Lament: say "Not before a show! Later, though, yes."; else: if noun is smoked: say "The group decides they've had enough. Thanks, though."; else: say "The entire group smokes a bowl with you."; else if noun is smoked and noun is not delaney: say "[noun] declines, saying 'I've had enough.'"; else if noun is player: say "You can't smoke yourself up. I mean, you CAN, but not in this game."; else: say "[noun] looks over [his-her] shoulder, then sneaks off with you to a discreet corner, produces a pipe and you each take a few hits. You hang a bit and discuss [one of]the true meaning of Harold[or]Star Trek[or]how to determine the ripeness of various fruits[or]Hal Ashby[or]favorite pens[cycling]. Then you return. [if noun is Delaney and player is not carrying pot] Delaney gives you some pot to take with you.[end if]"; if noun is Delaney: now player is carrying pot; if Delaney is unsmoked: increase the score by 1; record "smoked with Delaney" in Table of Notes; say "[br]The ghost of Del Close appears, only to you, and says '[i]Using my magic powers as a ghost, I hereby make your pot NEVER-ENDING so you can smoke it with as many people as you'd like![/i]' Then he vanishes. Weird.". Report smoking pot: if noun is a person: now noun is smoked. Instead of dropping pot: say "You fling the pot on the floor. Jawnee Conroy comes walking by and takes it. 'Don't waste it, dude!' and scurries off (If you want more, Delaney has more)."; now pot is off-stage. Clapping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "clap" and "applaud" as clapping. Instead of clapping: if the player is in the House: say "You applaud. The performers on stage smile every so slightly."; else: if player can see a non-player person (called observer): say "[observer] bows slightly."; else: say "Here?". Laughing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "laugh" and "giggle" and "guffaw" and "chuckle" and "hee-haw" and "yuk" as laughing. Instead of laughing: if the player is in the House: say "You laugh! A few students follow your lead, and the performers seem happier."; else: if player can see a non-player person (called observer): say "[observer] gives a small nod of appreciation."; else: say "Well, you're alone, but it's okay with me.". Playing cards is an action applying to one thing. Understand "play cards with [something]" and "play poker with [something]" as playing cards. Check playing cards: if noun is not a person: say "Only with humans, sorry." instead; else if player is not holding cards: say "You don't have any cards." instead. Carry out playing cards: if noun is Mullaney: say "Kevin smiles 'I have to finish giving notes right now, but come by the weekly tournament at the offices. Wednesday nights.' He takes the cards. He seems warmer to you now."; now cards are off-stage; now Mullaney is warm; else: say "[noun] plays a quick round of poker with you.". Part 4 - Improv Groups and Their Members Chapter 1 - PCR, Dillinger and The Lament an improv group is a kind of person. an improv group is usually female. an improv group is usually unsmokable. [PCR] PCR is an improv group. The description of PCR is "Police Chief Rumble are 8 of the funniest people at the theater who do some of the worst improv here. Last week their show devolved into an on-stage discussion of who was funniest character from the long-forgotten sitcom Night Court. Members are: Charlie Sanders, Chris Kula, Katie Dippold, David Martin, Jeff Hiller, Bobby Moynihan, Angeliki George and Will MacLaughlin.". The printed name of PCR is "Police Chief Rumble". Every turn while the player is in Notes: say "Police Chief Rumble, who performed earlier, are discussing their show. [one of]David asks the coach if it was wrong of him to enter every single scene as the author Philip Roth.[or]Bobby confesses that he did not realize they were expected to do a Harold just because it was Harold Night.[or]Charlie is telling the group he has to miss the next 10 rehearsals because he's filming a feature film on VHS tape with his friends from Minnesota.[or]Angeliki is handing out personalized gifts to everyone else in the group.[or]Katie asks what time they are doing their second show. She is told there is no second show.[or]Jeff apologizes for turning both group games into karaoke contests. He points out that the second one was a heightened version of the first. The group nods in consent.[or]Chris is being asked by the coach to play a white character at least once in the next month.[or]MacLaughlin is defending one of his moves by quoting the Magna Carta.[in random order][br]"; say "Kevin, the group's coach, is giving them notes. Right now he's saying [one of]'I think we got to Phillip Roth's sex club too quickly.'[or]'We shouldn't have [i]Night Court[/i] references in more than one scene. Certainly not all.'[or]'Don't tag out people who are currently in a scene with you.'[or]'Good bird-fucking scene.'[or]'Was that President Clinton who got fired? Wait, no that was The Doobie Brothers.'[or]'I think it came off as weird that we constantly announced Kula's character was black. It was obvious.'[or]'Nice object work during the pogo stick chase.'[or]'I think we did the beats out of order? Or were the four group games second beats?'[or]'Was that the same Sideways Dracula that was in the show last week?'[or]'I think no one stepped out for third beats for at least 15 seconds.'[or]'I'm glad that we let Jeff sing that karaoke song to completion.'[cycling]". Understand "Police" and "Chief" and "Rumble" and "Police Chief Rumble" as PCR. Charlie Sanders is an unsmokable man. Charlie is part of PCR. The description of Charlie is "An immensely sweaty man.". Chris Kula is a man. Chris is part of PCR. The description of Chris is "Despite being the palest man you've ever seen, he speaks in a voice so low you presume its produced by a machine.". Katie Dippold is a woman. Katie is part of PCR. The description of Katie is "Katie has the furrowed brow of someone paying intense attention to the notes, except she is clearly staring completely past anyone else in the group and into space.". David Martin is a man. David is part of PCR. The description of David is "David is a buttoned-down sort who is wearing a conservative sweater. He looks like he just got finished being a guest on Charlie Rose, except that he's also wearing sunglasses whose frames are in the shape of dollar signs.". Jeff Hiller is a man. Jeff is part of PCR. The description of Jeff is "Jeff is at least twice as tall as every other member of this group.". Angeliki George is a woman. Angeliki is part of PCR. The description of Angeliki is "Angeliki seems to be the only one paying attention to the coach.". Bobby Moynihan is a man. Bobby is part of PCR. The description of Bobby is "Bobby is nodding emphatically at all of the notes. He's also holding a black baby Santa doll, which he seems to have somehow used during the show.". Will Maclaughlin is a man. MacLaughlin is part of PCR. The description of MacLaughlin is "MacLaughlin looks big, intelligent and also out of breath. You can't decide if he plays rugby, runs a library or just got back from out-drinking a senator.". Understand "Dave" as David. Understand "pepper" and "Booby" as Bobby. PCR is in Notes. [Dillinger] Dillinger is an unsmokable improv group. The description of Dillinger is "One of the rare improv groups who do amazing shows while following every improv rule possible. Members are: Sarah Burns, Brett Christensen, Anthony King, Lennon Parham, Risa Sang-Urai, Erik Tanouye, Joe Wengert and Zach Woods.". Sarah Burns is a woman. Sarah is part of Dillinger. The description of Sarah is "Sarah is holding invites to her party, which she knitted herself.". Brett Christensen is a man. Brett is part of Dillinger. The description of Brett is "Of the two members of Dillinger with plastic horn rimmed glasses, he is the bald one.". Anthony King is a man. Anthony is part of Dillinger. The description of Anthony is "Anthony is so confident in his discussion with Gethard that it is not clear which one is giving notes.". Lennon Parham is a woman. Lennon is part of Dillinger. The description of Lennon is "Lennon crosses her arms to hold the opposite shoulder so as to protect her body from imaginary attackers.". Risa Sang-Urai is a woman. Risa is part of Dillinger. The description of Risa is "Risa is a short smiling girl who is planning on taking a group photo after notes are done.". Erik Tanouye is a man. Erik is part of Dillinger. The description of Erik is "Erik apologizes for the tenth line of his third beat being off-game.". Joe Wengert is a man. Joe is part of Dillinger. The description of Joe is "Joe is rocking back and forth and pushing his glasses back up his nose.". Zach Woods is a man. Zach is part of Dillinger. The description of Zach is "Zach is towering over the rest of the team and is also 19 years old.". Dillinger is in Gross Corner. Chris Gethard is in Gross Corner. The description of Gethard is "A baby-faced nerd giving notes to Dillinger. He's drawing too many comparisons to early 1990s Marvel Comics and also hip hop records for this to be useful.". Every turn when the player is in Gross Corner: say "Dillinger performed earlier. They are discussing their show. [one of]Sarah says she's having a birthday party in a secret tunnel under the East River.[or]Brett is talking about troubles he's having editing his family's latest newsletter.[or]Anthony says he's going to be 15 minutes late to the next practice because he is directing an Off-Broadway play.[or]Lennon apologizes for her character which was so good the audience gave her a standing ovation.[or]Risa is singing along to the [i]Golden Girls[/i] theme.[or]Erik has suggestions for what songs to come to for the next 15 shows.[or]Joe asks if there can be a moratorium on bits involving nicknames.[or]Zach is saying how he needs to practice trumpet more. Also if he should attend his high school prom.[cycling][br]"; say "Chris Gethard, their coach, is giving them notes. He is saying: [one of]'I've heard PCR is talking shit that PCR is the best group on Harold Night. I'm not sure how Dillinger feels about that.'[or]'I wonder if the Kurosawa parody in the button line of the second group game was clear. Tanouye, you think it was, right?'[or]'The secret weapon of Dillinger is that you are good actors.'[or]'I think Dillinger should stop all sitting together at McManus. You gotta open that shit up.'[or]'I commend you guys for taking the suggestion of 'assplay' and never doing a dirty scene, but still honoring the suggestion. That was way cool. WAY cool.'[or]'There is no reason this group can't be as good as The Swarm if you put your hearts into it.'[or]'I notice Brett's object work for the piccolo in the first beat was different than the flute in the second beat. Nice! Nice.'[or]'It's time to bust this shit wide-open and take over.'[or]'You guys: if you're going to talk about minor Marvel mutants, and you don't bring up Multiple Man I'm GOING to take it as a personal affront.'[or]'Joe, where was the Nazi walk-on in the third beats? I was waiting for it!'[or]'I know I gave you a late blackout but I wanted you guys to learn to never give up on your Harolds, and of course you proved that lesson completely unnecessary.'[or]'The object work on the martial arts move was wrong, but I did like the intent.'[cycling]". Instead of giving mix CD to Erik: say "[noun] eyes it greedily but declines saying 'There's someone else who'd want it more.'". Instead of giving mix CD to Joe: say "[noun] eyes it greedily but declines saying 'There's someone else who'd want it more.'". [The Lament] There is an improv group called The Lament. "[if the player is in Arena]Spread out on the backline is your team, The Lament.[else]Standing in a slightly nervous herd is your team, The Lament.[end if]". The description of The Lament is "This is your group. You guys are the newest Harold team, and it's every member's first team. Impressively talented, but you're definitely still more tentative than you'd like. It took you all five hours to the pick the name. Second choice was 'Kirk Cameron's The Lament'. Members: you, Arnie, Dennis, Victor, Cecile, Michelle, Jenna and Henry."; Every turn when the player is in Backstage: say "[one of]Arnie is stretching his hamstring. He's superstitious about it -- only does it backstage and only for 30 seconds.[or]Dennis keeps saying 'got your back' over and over.[or]Victor looks oddly serious before he goes on stage.[or]Cecile is all smiles, though the way she says 'I'm excited!' betrays her nervousness a little bit.[or]Michelle is saying to no one: 'I cannot remember how to do improv.'[or]Jenna is doing a pattern game by herself to get ready.[or]Henry is dancing to the house music.[in random order]". An improviser is a kind of person. Arnie is a male improviser. The description of Arnie is "A thinky, premise-filled machine. Has trouble committing. Does stand-up on the side.". Arnie is part of The Lament. Dennis is a male improviser. The description of Dennis is "Great at characters. Gets hives if you ask him what the game of the scene was. Once did a one-man Harold (uninvited) in the middle of Times Square at noon." Dennis is part of The Lament. Victor is a male improviser. The description of Victor is "A thick Philadelphia accent and hyperactive temperament, Victor only needs to play one character: himself.". Victor is part of The Lament. Cecile is a female improviser.The description of Cecile is "Had a lot of acting experience before she discovered improv. Commits, plays everything truthfully." Cecile is part of The Lament. Michelle is a female improviser. The description of Michelle is "Perfect straight man and deadly walk-ons." Michelle is part of The Lament. Jenna is a female improviser. The description of Jenna is "Jenna is a game machine. She prefers sketch writing, but is good enough at improv that she keeps getting put on teams.". Jenna is part of The Lament. Henry is a male improviser. The description of Henry is "A enormous man with an equal amount of energy and commitment.". Henry is part of The Lament. Sebastian is a male improviser. The description of Sebastian is "An eccentric older man who makes a living selling stats to minor league baseball teams. Weirdly good at improv." Sebastian is part of The Lament. The Lament is in Backstage. Understand "team" and "lament" as The Lament. Understand "group" and "everyone" and "everybody" as The Lament when the player can see The Lament. Understand "group" and "everyone" and "everybody" as PCR when the player can see PCR. Instead of bitting the Lament, say "You say 'Got your back' to [one of]Arnie[or]Dennis[or]Victor[or]Cecile[or]Michelle[or]Jenna[or]Henry[cycling]." instead. Chapter 2 - Got Your Back Backing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "Got your back to [someone]" as backing. Understand "Got your back [someone]" as backing. Check backing: if noun is not a person: say "Nice thought, but that looks insane." instead; if player is not in Backstage: say "Nice thought, but wait until you're backstage." instead; Carry out backing: if noun is player: say "You tap yourself on the back. Can't hurt."; if noun is Lament: say "You tap everyone else on the back. They all tap you. Feels dumb, feels good."; else: say "You tap [noun] on the back. Then [he-she] responds in kind.". After backing for the first time: increase the score by 1; record "got someone's back" in Table of Notes. Part 5 - The Rooms and Gifts Therein Chapter 1 - UCB Theatre A gift is a kind of thing. Before printing the name of a gift, say "[bold type]". After printing the name of a gift, say "[roman type]". Section 1 - Lobby and Bar Entrance is up from The Lobby. The player is in Entrance. The description of Entrance is "You are just inside the entrance to the UCB Theatre. The streets of New York are behind you to the east. The actual theater is underground, and there are stairs here leading down to the box office.". Down from Entrance is The Lobby. Reality is east of Entrance. The description of Reality is "You push open the doors of the UCB Theatre and feel the cool breeze of a NYC autumn hit you in the face. One more step (to the north) and you leave this improv life behind you." Normal Life is north of Reality. Instead of going nowhere from Reality, try going north. Instead of going north from Reality the first time: say "Are you sure? If you leave now, you're not coming back." Instead of going north from Reality the second time: say "Okay! You leave. You walk to the subway and go home. Tomorrow you start a job hunt and soon you have a 10-6pm job monitoring currency markets in Eastern Europe. You soon meet someone nice through friends at a karaoke night and then you both move to somewhere outside of Providence. You both make little humans and join a bowling league and you watch prime time network television and you know what? It's pretty great!"; end the story finally saying "You have a normal life.". Before going west from Reality: say "Yeah, what were you thinking? You stay at UCB and stay obsessed with improv and stay out at bars talking about Harolds and criticizing British sitcoms and writing scripts and buying dumb props and doing impersonations of each other for the next always always." The Lobby is a room. The description of the Lobby is "You're below street level, in the lobby of the UCB Theatre. The panelling and not-quite-enough lighting says 1970s recreation room. Stairs lead up to the entrance. The theater's house (meaning the stage and audience) are through a heavy door to the west. You see the window into the box office here to the north, and also hanging on the wall are several team photos promoting the different groups that perform." A sword is a gift in The Lobby. The printed name of sword is "fake ninja sword". Understand "sword" and "fake" and "ninja" as the sword. The description of the sword is "A decent looking fake ninja sword. Probably a prop for someone's sketch show.". window is scenery in The Lobby. The description of window is "The box office window is momentarily unattended. The intern probably needed a quick break from the dozens of customers[apostrophe] questions (You don't need a ticket, by the way. You're a performer here. You can just head in to the west).". Understand "box office" and "office" as window when the player is in The Lobby. team photos are in Lobby. team photos are fixed in place. Understand "photos" and "team" and "groups" as team photos when the player is in The Lobby. The description of team photos are "All the current teams: Ice-9, Optimist International, Monkeydick, Neutrino, Creep and Feature Feature. You like them, but is it bad you also make mental notes of who you think you might have a chance of being better than? Auditions are coming up, after all. Examine a particular team photo to learn more about that group.". ice-9 is scenery in the Lobby. The description of ice-9 is "A veteran team; lots of teachers. They've gone for a simple black-and-white photo with everyone smiling normally. You respect that.". optimist is scenery in the Lobby. Understand "optimist international" and "oi" as optimist. The description of optimist is "A powerhouse team. Veterns Brian Huskey, Seth Morris and Jack MacBreyer as well as newcomers Chris Gethard and Shannon O'Neill. These guys have the current record for most weeks winning Cagematch, 22 weeks, which you saw all of.". monkeyphoto is scenery in The Lobby. The description of Monkeyphoto is "A team of dirtbags and sad sacks. Standouts include Curtis Gwinn and John Gemberling and other weirdos. They seem to break a million rules of improv, but also save themselves by knowing each other so well. You wanted to hate this team because of their dumb name, but you like them. Their photo is a blurry under lit one taken in a nearby deli.". Understand "monkeydick" as monkeyphoto when the player is in the Lobby. neutrino is scenery in The Lobby. "Neutrino is a team that does all these crazy stunts besides their regular shows: improvised videos, fake documentaries, original openings. They're famous for doing gimmicks at Cagematch timeouts which some say is breaking the spirit of what that show means. As a Cagematch diehard, you find it worrisome, but you do like them.". creepphoto is scenery in The Lobby. The description of creepphoto is "A team of musical theatre fans and actual actors. The commit hard, are hilarious, can't find game to save their lives and the audience loves them." Understand "creep" as creepphoto when the player is in the Lobby. feature is scenery in The Lobby. The description of feature is "This one isn't technically a Harold Team, like the others. These guys do an improvised movie on Saturday nights. Two, in fact, hence the name 'Feature Feature.' They are a powerhouse team: Scot Armstrong, Will Berson, John Bowie, Rob Corddry, Jamie Denbo, Brian Huskey, Dyna Moe, Seth Morris and Andrew Secunda." Understand "feature" and "feature feature" as feature. Instead of taking photos when the player is in the lobby, say "Stealing someone else's work? What are you, a hack?". Instead of taking monkeyphoto, say "Don't take this. It's all they have.". a heavy door is west of The Lobby. heavy door is east of The Bar. heavy door is an unlocked openable door. a heavy door is scenery. Every turn when a heavy door was open: now a heavy door is closed; if the player can see a heavy door: say "The heavy door quietly closes, keeping the light from the lobby out of the theatre.". The Bar is a room. The description of The Bar is "You're now in the actual house of the theater - a large room that holds the stage and about 200 audience members. The audience separates you from the stage, which is off to the west and north.[paragraph break]Right here where you are standing is the bar, or what passes for the bar: a yard of black particle counter top with stacks of cheap PBR behind it. There's also soda and copies of the UCB Sketch Show DVD there. A heavy door lead east out to the lobby. North leads to the employee entrance to the box office and the restooms. West goes behind the main audience section through the standing room and eventually to the backstage area.". merch is scenery in The Bar. Understand "merchandise" as merch. The description of merch is "Various patches, t-shirts, a Zippo lighter and the UCB DVD.". John Flynn is a man in the Bar. The description of John Flynn is "A redheaded guy who is both polite and bemused by everyone." Understand "John" and "Flynn" and "John Flynn" as the John Flynn. UCB Sketch DVD is scenery in the Bar. Understand "UCB" and "Sketch" and "DVD" as UCB Sketch DVD. The description is "Also available online." PBR is scenery in The Bar. The description of PBR is "Cheapest beer possible." Understand "beer" as PBR. The can of soda is a closed, opaque, unopenable container. It is scenery in The Bar. Understand "soda" and "can" as can of soda. The description of can of soda is "Standard sugar water." Instead of opening the can of soda, try drinking the can of soda. Instead of drinking the can of soda: if Pat is thirsty: say "Don't drink that! You sense that you need that for someone else."; else: say "You open the soda and drink it down. Ah!"; now can of soda is off-stage. Before taking the PBR, try buying PBR instead. Before taking DVD, try buying DVD instead. Before taking soda, try buying soda instead. Instead of asking John Flynn for a soda, try buying the soda. Instead of buying something: If the player is not in The Bar: say "That's not really for sale."; try taking the noun instead; else if Pat is unthirsty: say "Come to think of it, you don't really need anything" instead; else: if noun is soda: if the player is holding the soda: say "You already have a soda!" instead; else: now the player has the can of soda; say "Even though you're broke, John gives you a can of soda on the sly." instead; else: say "You don't have any money. But John might give you a soda if you ask." PianoSpot is north of The Bar. "You're just inside the theater, tucked between the bar (which is to the south) and the box office (through a flimsy door to the east) and restooms (further north). A piano is here, which is hauled onto stage when shows require it (none tonight do). There are photos of legendary improv guru Del Close above it.". The printed name of PianoSpot is "Piano". DelPhotos are scenery in PianoSpot. Understand "photos" and "del" and "del close" as DelPhotos when the player is in PianoSpot. The printed name of DelPhotos is "Photos of Del Close.". The description of DelPhotos is "Del is the most legendary improv teacher of all time. These are photos of him as a young director in Chicago. One shows him holding fire fans, one he's just smiling michievously, and one he's standing with an improv group where everyone is wearing suits and looking severe. You often look at these photos for inspiration.". The piano is a supporter that is fixed in place. It is scenery in PianoSpot. Playing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "play [something]" or "playing [something]" as playing. Understand "use [fixed in place supporter]" as playing. Instead of playing the piano for the first time, say "You tap a few notes playfully, but manager Chuck Dauble pokes his head out from the box office, shakes his head, and you stop." instead. Instead of playing the piano more than one time, say "You don't want to disrupt the show." instead. Instead of opening the piano, try playing piano. a pamphlet is in PianoSpot. "On the floor almost out of sight is a pamphlet.". The description of pamphlet is "It's a history of the UCB Theatre. It says:[para]'The UCB Theatre is a real comedy theater in NYC which features long-form improv. That means the actors make up free-form comedy scenes on the spot (as opposed to structured short-form improv games).[para]Improvisers at UCBT use principles of improvisation as developed by Del Close in Chicago during the 1970s, 80s and 90s. In this interactive fiction, you are meeting actual teachers, teams and people from the UCB Theater around the year 2003. And you will use the actual improv principles they teach.[para]The theatre was founded in 1999 by the comedy group The Upright Citizens Brigade from Chicago, whose members are Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts and Matt Walsh and who had moved to NYC to create a show for the TV network Comedy Central.[para]This is an informational pamphlet (meaning you don't need it to finish the game).'". a flimsy door is east of PianoSpot. a flimsy door is west of Box Office. a flimsy door is an unlocked openable door. a flimsy door is scenery. Every turn when a flimsy door was open: now a flimsy door is closed; if the player can see a flimsy door: say "The flimsy door closes, (kind of) keeping the noise from the box office out of the theatre.". Box Office is a room. "You walk in from the main house, shutting the door behind you. This is the box office, a tiny closet of room from which an intern can sell tickets to people in the Lobby. It's also crammed with random office supplies, lost umbrellas, and an impressive pile of empty take-out food containers. The exit back into the theater is through a flimsy door to the west." Supplies are scenery in Box Office. The description of supplies is "Some dull scissors, scattered post-it notes, an assortment of rubber bands. None are useful and you don't need any." Umbrellas are scenery in the Box Office. The description of umbreallas is "An impressively high pile of mostly black umbrellas, accumulated over years. You don't need these." Take-out are scenery in Box Office. The description of take-out is "Plastic pods -- mostly clear or black -- all with some remnant of Chinese food or sandwich crusts clinging to it. You don't need these." Understand "containers" and "food" as take-out. Chuck Dauble is a man in Box Office. "Manager Chuck Dauble is here." The description of Chuck is "Chuck is a manager. He's wearing a Detroit Tigers hat, which he was born wearing. He's counting money from the cash drawer.". Chad Carter is a man in Box Office. "Chad Carter is here, fussing with the computer modem with a hyper-focused glare." The description of Chad is "Chad is one of the members of Respecto Montalbon and is also one of the computer gurus in the community, along with Neil Casey. He's staring at a computer modem which appears to be on the fritz." Neil Casey is a man in the Box Office. "Neil Casey is here, fussing with the computer modem with religious zealousness." The description of Neil is "Neil is an Irish gentleman who is fussing with the computer modem. He's on the indie team Krompf (spelling inconsistent) with Joe Wengert, Amey Goerlich and Ryan Karels. He is the other computer guru in the UCB world, along with Chad Carter. He is fussing with the modem." A modem is scenery in Box Office. The description of modem is "A hilariously old computer modem. It is somehow constantly fussed over and also perpetually dusty." Fixing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "fix [something]" as fixing. Instead of fixing the modem, say "Let the experts handle that." instead. Carry out fixing: say "Fixing is an unproductive attitude in improv.". A pack of cards is a gift in Box Office. Understand "pack" or "cards" as pack of cards. The description of pack is "A simple deck of cards, like one you might use for poker." BathroomsEntrance is north of PianoSpot. The printed name of BathroomsEntrance is "Outside Bathrooms". "You're outside the bathrooms (they are SE for Women's and NE for Men's). You can also go south." Section 2 - The Main House Curtain's Edge is west of The Bar. The description of Curtain's Edge is "You're walking behind the audience down a walkway which is where people stand when the show is sold out. You can go east to the bar or west to continue along behind the audience toward the backstage. You could also sneak into the audience to the north." FarSeats are north of Curtain's Edge. Will Hines is a male performer in FarSeats. The description of Will Hines is "Watching the show with a self-satisfied smirk.". Kevin Hines is a male performer in FarSeats. The description of Kevin Hines is "He has a T-shirt that says 'Stomping Ground.'". BackHouse is west of Curtain's Edge. "You're behind the audience, directly in the middle of the back of the theater. Advanced students stand here behind the proper seating area when they watch shows. This way, they can easily sneak out early to the east or sneak west towards the green room. One of the four founders of the UCB Theater Ian Roberts is to the north sitting in a proper seat.". The printed name of BackHouse is "Back of the House". a flyer is a gift in BackHouse. The description of flyer is "A flyer for Matt Besser's sketch show 'Bad Mayor.' You've been meaning to see it, maybe you will next week.". MainSeats is north of BackHouse. "The stage at UCB thrusts into the audience. These are the main ones in front. You are looking straight at the performers. There's more seating areas to the northeast and northwest, or south leads to the back of the house. The stage is directly in front of you to the north.". The printed name of MainSeats is "Stage Front Seats". MainSeats are southwest of FarSeats. MainSeats are southeast of BoothSeats. [description of crowd is in regions] seats are an enterable supporter that is fixed in place in MainSeats. seats are scenery in MainSeats. Understand "risers" as seats. After entering seats, say "You ease back into the seats. They feel comfortable, if lopsided. Hey this seat isn't bad! The enormous pillar at the front of the stage is only blocking SOME of the action!". After getting off seats, say "The seat creeks doubtfully as you stand back up.". Performer's Corner is west of BackHouse. "This is the end of the standing room area. Many performers sneak out of the green room and stand here to watch shows, so they have quick access backstage. To the west, through a curtain is the beginning of the backstage area. To the east is more standing room behind the audience. You can also go north to a little bench just off the stage." Before going west from Performer's Corner for the first time, say "Manager Chuck Dauble appears and stops you to make sure you're a performer. He recognizes you, gives you a quick nod and vanishes back into the crowd. You continue on..." BoothSeats are north of Performer's Corner. The printed name of BoothSeats is "Far Side Seats." The description of BoothSeats are "The stage at UCB thrusts into the audience. These are the seats along the left flank. You look onto the performers from the side. You can sometime hear the coaches in the tech booth, which is right behind you, laughing at their groups. You can go southeast to the front steats, or south to get out of the seating area." BoothSeats are west of Arena. Coaches are scenery in BoothSeats. The description of coaches is "Some people in the tech booth -- it's too hard to see them." Instead of listening to coaches while the player is in BoothSeats, say "You hear them laughing." instead. Superfan is an animal in BoothSeats. Understand "super" and "fan" as Superfan. The description of Superfan is "A long-time student of indeterminate gender, he/she has been going to UCB shows seemingly longer than anyone, as he/she is quick to tell you. He/she was there for Kurt Braunholer's one-man Cagematch in 2001, the full run of Tracers in 2000 and the Swarm's Harold in the Dark on Halloween 1998. He (just barely) lives off of his/her coaching money, though no group stays with him/her more than 6 months." FarSeats are north from Curtain's Edge. The printed name of FarSeats is "Near Side Seats". The description of FarSeats is "The stage at UCB thrusts out into the audience, and these are the seats along the right flank. You look onto the performers from the side. You can go southwest into the seats right in front of the stage, or south back into the theatre." FarSeats are east of Arena. Vestibule is west from Performer's Corner. The description of Vestibule is "This is a little storage area too far west to see the stage, and it's used for storage. The tech booth (and eventually, the stage) is to the north, the audience is east and the actual proper backstage area is through a thick door to the west." An SCTV tape is a gift in Vestibule. The description of SCTV tape is "An old VHS tape, with a masking tape label featuring the words 'SCTV rehearsals, 1979.'" Understand "SCTV" and "tape" and "VHS" and "VCR" as SCTV tape. The Arena is north of MainSeats. The description is "The floor is a wide rectangle of black gummy plastic. Bright lights prevent you from seeing the audience, but you can feel their expectant attention." The printed name of Arena is "Stage". After going to Arena for the first time, increment the score. Instead of going north from MainSeats, try trespassing. Instead of going west from FarSeats, try trespassing. Instead of going east from BoothSeats, try trespassing. Trespassing is an action applying to nothing. Carry out trespassing: say "Walk onstage from the audience during a show? You have too much respect for the stage to even consider it." instead. Instead of going south from Arena, try bailing. Instead of going west from Arena, try bailing. Instead of going east from Arena, try bailing. Bailing is an action applying to nothing. Carry out bailing: say "Entering the audience during a show? Too gimmicky.". Section 3 - Tech Booth Area a thick door is west of Vestibule. a thick door is east of BoardRoom. a thick door is an unlocked, openable door. a thick door is scenery. Every turn when a thick door was open: now a thick door is closed; if the player can see a thick door: say "The thick door quietly closes, keeping the noise from the Green Room out of the theatre.". BoardRoom is a room. "This is the first proper backstage room. The green room (where performers change or just hangout) is to the north. The electrical storage area and audience is east. A dingy door leads west into some back hallways. There's also a terminally-ignored bulletin board and like 150 mops here." The printed name of BoardRoom is "Bulletin Board". Bulletin Board is scenery in BoardRoom. The description of bulletin board is "Lots of things pinned up here, including [one of]an ad for Brett Gelmen and Jon Daly's rap album ('not a bit' is underlined)[or]a bunch of Blondie comic strips, but the final panels are all replaced with the word 'JEWS'[or]instructions for saving choking victims, but photos of various harold team members are pasted over the diagrams[or]a piece of licorice[or]news clipping of Amy getting hired at SNL[cycling].". Mops are scenery in BoardRoom. The description of mops is "There's seriously like [a random number from 143 to 212] mops here.". Instead of taking mops, say "No single human could grab all those mops. And if you can't have them all you don't want any.". A tiny plaque is in BoardRoom. It is fixed in place. The description of tiny plaque is "A small golden plaque embedded in the wall. It reads. 'There is a ghost in this theater. To see him, just say his name.'" Booth is north of Vestibule. The description of Booth is "This is the tech booth that holds the controls for the lights and speakers of the stage. It's a narrow space, filled with snarls of cords, 1970s-era electronics and an elaborate lighting panel. Back south is a vestibule The stage entrance is towards the north." The printed name of Booth is "Tech Booth". Pat Baer is an unsmokable male person. He is in Booth. Understand "Pat" and "Baer" as Pat Baer. Pat can be thirsty or unthirsty. Pat is thirsty. The description of Pat is "Pat is the tech. He runs the lights and sound for the show. Bearded, bespectacled young man with a Green Lantern t-shirt. He is mumbling to himself about the show on stage. [if thirsty]He's licking his lips, as if he's thirsty.[end if]". Instead of listening to Pat, say "He's watching the show and shaking his head. You hear him mumble 'These guys just can't play it real!'" instead. The lighting panel is a supporter which is scenery in Booth. The description of lighting panel is "Lots of sliders for lights and sound. One is marked 'funny' and is pushed all the way up.". Sliders are scenery in Booth. Instead of pushing or pulling or touching sliders, say "Pat slaps your hand away.". A mix CD is a gift on the lighting panel. The description of mix CD is "The handwritten label says 'Elvis Costello Get Happy!! Demos'". Understand "mix" and "CD" as mix CD. A mix CD can be wanted or unwanted. The mix CD is unwanted. Instead of taking mix CD when Pat is thirsty: if player is holding mix CD: say "You already have that."; else: say "Pat stops you. 'Yeah, that demo's pretty great. I'll trade it to you for a cool soda.'"; now the mix CD is wanted. Instead of showing the soda to Pat, try giving the soda to Pat. Instead of giving soda to Pat: say "Pat happily opens the can and takes a big gulp. 'Ah, that hit the spot. [if mix CD is wanted]You wanted this CD, right? Let me know how it is.'[else]Hey, as a thank you, check out this Elvis Costello CD.'[end if] He gives you the mix CD."; increase the score by 1; record "gave a soda to Pat Baer" in the Table of Notes; now the can of soda is off-stage; now pat baer is unthirsty; now the player has the mix CD. Every turn while player can see Pat Baer: if Pat is thirsty: if the player is holding the soda: say "Pat is eyeing something you're holding."; else if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds: say "Pat licks his lips and says 'Wish I'd remembered to get a soda before Harold Night started."; EastBooth is north of Booth. The printed name of EastBooth is "Backstage Corner". "This is the north end of the tech booth, a tight squeeze from the main controls to the south over to the stage curtain -- like right behind the actual stage -- to the east." A gold brick is in EastBooth. It is fixed in place. The description of gold brick is "A small gold brick is embedded in the wall. Etched into the brick are these words: 'His name is Timmy.'" Backstage is east from EastBooth and north of the Arena. "You are right behind the stage. You can feel the audience murmuring from through the black curtain which is brushes against your nose and curtains as you fidget. There's tons of graffiti on the backside of the stage wall here. The stage is south on the other side of a thick black curtain, the tech booth is towards the west". Graffiti is scenery in Backstage. The description of graffiti is "[one of]There's a piece of black electrical tape that says 'Emergency Hitler Mustache'[or]Someone scrawled in crazed red marker: 'DON'T THINK'[or]A drawing of a half-pickle, half-cat labeled unnecessarily 'Picklecat'[or]Thick block letters: 'Dr. Awesome Forever!'[or]Understated green letters: 'Delaney clearly sold his soul.'[or]A medium sized circle with the caption 'Touch here to become funnier.'[or]'Truth in Schmomedy'[cycling]". Section 4 - Back Hallways dingy door is a closed unlocked door. It is west of BoardRoom and east of Back Hallway. dingy door is scenery. Every turn when the dingy door was open: now the dingy door is closed; if the player can see the dingy door: say "The dingy door gently swings almost closed, blocked by a the detatched head of a mop." Back Hallway is a room. "This not part of the theater proper, but rather are the maintenance hallways of the building which houses the theater. But performers use this area to meet and confer before and after shows. It looks like a sewer despite being having the walls repainted with thick grey paint a million times a year. There is a dingy door into the theater to the east. The gross hallway continues north and south." The printed name of Back Hallway is "Gross Hallway". Gross Corner is south of Back Hallway. "This is another area where teams go in order to get notes. It is somehow more gross than the rest of this already gross area. Hallway continues back to the theater to the north." Notes is north of Back Hallway. "This corner is where teams usually stand after shows to get notes from their coach. You can go south towards the theater or northwest to a storage closet.". A disgusting pipe is in Notes. disgusting pipe is fixed in place. The description of disgusting pipe is "It's disgusting and it's a pipe. There's a knob on it. Do not turn it." A knob is part of the disgusting pipe. The description of the knob is "It's a very turnable knob. Do not turn it." Instead of turning the knob the first time, say "Really. Don't turn that irresistibly turnable knob!" instead. Instead of turning the knob for the second time: say "Okay. You twist the knob. It sticks at first, then gives easily. You hear a powerful rush of sludge from inside the pipe. After a moment, a loose fitting just above the knob gives way! The now loosened pipe turns toward you, showering you in a torrent of brown sludge! Suddenly, pipes everywhere in the ceilings and walls explode with sewage, filling the back hallway with a flood of human waste! Mullaney tries to reasonably note the water into submission to no avail! PCR begins its previously agreed-upon suicide pact of devouring each other! As the water rises up over your head, the last thing you see is manager Brian Wadell swimming around the corner to yell at you for violating theatre policy!"; end the story finally saying "You have died"; Chill-Out Room is northwest of Notes. "This is a formerly disgusting storage space that has been transformed with countless man-hours into a very slightly less disgusting hang out. There's old sofas here which are comfy but somehow moist. The way out is southeast.". sofas are an enterable supporter that is fixed in place in Chill-Out Room. sofas are scenery in Chill-Out Room. The description of sofas is "Despite the grime, these are indeed sofas.". Understand "couches" as sofas while the player is in Chill-Out Room. After entering sofas, say "You wince with dread as you ease into the sofas.". After getting off sofas, say "The sofas release you as you stand.". Section 5 - Green Room a solid door is north of BoardRoom. a solid door is south of Green Room. a solid door is an unlocked, openable door. a solid door is scenery. Every turn when a solid door was open: now a solid door is closed; if the player can see a solid door: say "The solid door quietly closes, keeping the noise from the Green Room in the Green Room.". Green Room is a room. "This is the start of the area where performers talk and hang out before going on stage. There's couches to the north, a dressing room to the west, the hallway through a solid door to the south. Or you can go into the Hot Chicks room to the east.". Dressing Room is west of Green Room. "A dressing room crammed with costumes and props for various shows running at the theatre. Exit to the Green Room is east.". A mound of props is in Dressing Room. "An imposing mound of very searchable props sits here. Really quite searchable.". The description of mound of props is "There are is a startling array of props here. Among them, you see [one of]a cardboard cutout of Dennis Quaid[or]two lab coats[or]an astronaut's helmet fashioned from aluminum foil[or]an impossibly huge fake mustache[or]an elaborate bowling trophy[or]a judge's robe[or]a deliberately out-of-fashion suit jacket[or]a glow-in-the-dark dildo[cycling]." The mound is wearable. Understand "mound" and "props" and "cutout" and "quaid" and "dennis quaid" and "coats" and "helmet" and "aluminum" and "mustache" and "trophy" and "bowling" and "robe" and "suit jacket" and "jacket" and "dildo" and "glow-in-the-dark" as mound of props. Instead of wearing mound of props, say "You're not going to waste time trying on someone else's props! You have a show to do.". Instead of taking mound of props, say "You're not going to take someone else's props! You could try searching this mound, though.". After examining mound, try searching mound. InsideVladimir is a gift. The printed name of InsideVladimir is "A painting of Inside Vladimir". The description of InsideVladimir is "This is Amy Poehler's improv team from Chicago. It shows 8 men and women standing in what might be Lake Michigan with Chicago in the background. Among its members were Amy and also Tina Fey.". InsideVladimir can be lost or found. InsideVladimir is lost. Understand "Vladimir" and "Inside" and "framed" and "picture" and "painting" as InsideVladimir. Instead of searching mound of props: if InsideVladimir is lost: say "Hey! You have found nestled among these props a framed painting of Amy Poehler's old improv team from Chicago, Inside Vladimir."; now InsideVladimir is found; now InsideVladimir is in Dressing Room; else: say "You just find more props.". CouchesRoom is north of Green Room. "The north end of the green room where performers sit while waiting to perform. Two almost comfortable couches distract from the gross, low-hanging sewer pipe here. There's a dressing room to the west and the rest of the green room is south." The printed name of CouchesRoom is "Couches". Couches are an enterable supporter that is fixed in place in CouchesRoom. Couches are scenery in CouchesRoom. The description of Couches is "Two perpetually dingy couches, where are always almost but not quite moist. You can't search them and you wouldn't want to.". After entering couches, say "Actually pretty comfy.". After getting off couches, say "You bump your head on a heavily padded sewer pipe as you stand.". Hot Chicks Room is east of Green Room. "Room is a sarcastic name, and it's got nothing to do with Hot Chicks. That's a running gag from the UCB's TV show in the 1990s. This is just a big closet with sealed cases of beer. Exit to the west.". cases are scenery in Hot Chicks Room. Understand "beer" as cases while the player is in Hot Chicks Room. THe description of beer is "Stacks upon stacks of PBR, Heineken and Amstel Light. The seeds of some regrettable decisions as well as terrible bits lies before you in these cases.". A figure is a gift in Hot Chicks Room. The description of figure is "Upon closer inspection, you realize that the action figure is of William 'The Refrigerator' Perry, famous linebacker for the 1986 Chicago Bears championship football team.". The printed name of figure is "an action figure". Understand "action" as figure. After examining figure, now the printed name of figure is "William 'The Refrigerator' Perry action figure". OtherDressing is west of CouchesRoom. "Another room for props and storage. It is currently a mess. There is a pile of props and costumes heaped here. Exit to the east." The printed name of OtherDressing is "Other Dressing". soothing tea is an edible gift in OtherDressing. The description of soothing tea is "It's a soothing cup of hot chamomile tea. Perfect to soothe nerves.". Understand "tea" as soothing tea. Instead of eating soothing tea, say "There's someone else who needs this more.". Instead of drinking soothing tea, say "There's someone else who needs this more.". Pile is scenery in OtherDressing. The description of Pile is "You don't need to worry about it! These piles of props just sort of happen in this theatre, like crop circles." Section 6 - Bathrooms Women's Room is a bathroom. It is southeast of BathroomsEntrance. "Tiny utilitarian bathroom made nicer with paintings of late 1800s vaudeville stars. There's a small sink, toilet and mirror here. The way out is northwest." Men's Room is a bathroom. It is northeast of BathroomsEntrance. "Tiny utilitarian bathroom made nicer with paintings of late 1800s vaudeville stars. There's a small sink, toilet and mirror here. Way out is southwest." The description of a sink is "Plain but nice.". The description of a toilet is "Surprisingly clean.". hands are a backdrop. It is everywhere. hands can be clean or dirty. hands are dirty. The description of hands is "[if hands are clean]Nice and clean[else]Eh, you could use a quick scrub[end if].". face is a backdrop. It is everywhere. face can be clean or dirty. face is dirty. The description of face is "I'm not sure how to look at my own face?". mirror is a backdrop. it is in Men's Room and Women's Room. The description of mirror is "A simple mirror, dimly illuminated. You see an improviser who [if face is clean]looks freshly scrubbed[else]looks just a tad grimy[end if].". paintings is a backdrop. It is in Men's Room and Women's Room. The description of paintings is "You zero in on an artful pencil drawing of the 19th century performer [one of]Vance Smith[or]Adolf Pendles[or]Mable Greene[or]Joey Stone[or]Geoffery Chase[or]Gertrude McKing[cycling]". instead of washing hands: if player is in a bathroom: say "You turn on the sink and give your hands a quick scrub."; now hands are clean; else: say "Where?". instead of washing face: if player is in a bathroom: say "You splash some water on your face and scrub up."; now the face is clean; else: say "Where?". Handwashing is an action applying to one thing. Carry out handwashing: try washing hands instead. Toiletflushing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "pee" and "poop" and "shit" and "crap" as toiletflushing. Instead of toiletflushing: say "Ahhh. That's a relief.". Before getting off toilet: say "You wipe up and wash your hands."; Understand "use [sink]" as handwashing. Instead of using toilet, try Toiletflushing. Section 7 - Regions and Background Effects Seated is a region. MainSeats, BoothSeats and FarSeats are in Seated. Watchers is a region. Seated, BackHouse, Performer's Corner, and Curtain's Edge are in Watchers. House is a region. PianoSpot, Bar, BathroomsEntrance and Watchers are in House. Prestage is a region. Green Room, CouchesRoom, Dressing Room, Hot Chicks Room, OtherDressing are in Prestage. Nasty is a region. Gross Corner, Back Hallway, Notes, Chill-Out Room are in Nasty. Wires is a region. Vestibule, Booth, EastBooth, Backstage, BoardRoom are in Wires. Utility is a region. Entrance, Box Office, Lobby, Women's Room and Men's Room are in Utility. Dystopia is a region. NYC Improv Megapolis Office, Cubicle are in Dystopia. The hum of machinery is a backdrop in Utility. The description is "Here near the entrance you can hear the mini-fridge humming, the air conditioning kicking on and off, and even the spinning of stressed hard drives.". Understand "mini-fridges" and "mini-fridge" and "fridge" and "air conditioning" and "machinery" as hum. Every turn while the player is in Utility: if the player is not in Entrance and the player is not in Lobby: if a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds, say "You hear the hum of machinery: mini-fridges, air conditioning.". The rumble of someone pushing carts is a backdrop in Nasty. The description is "You hear the low rumble of an employee from the McDonalds upstairs is pushing a garbage cart. You don't bother looking, as you know you will never find it. It will remain a haunting specter just out of your sight in this nasty labyrinth.". Understand "cart" as rumble. Every turn while the player is in Nasty: if a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds, say "You hear the quietly ominous rumble of someone pushing a cart in the distance.". The rush of water in the pipes overhead is a backdrop in Wires. The description is "The ceiling is covered with pipes that handle the plumbing from the grocery store overhead. You hear water rushing through them, making it hard to hear the quieter actors on the stage.". Understand "water" and "pipes" as rush while the player is in Wires. Every turn while the player is in Wires: if a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds, say "You hear water rushing through pipes overhead.". The flicker of fluorescent lights is a backdrop in Prestage. The description is "The flickering is no big deal. Though these lights on the pale green paint make the place look like an underground bunker for scientists during a zombie apocalypse. Though in a way, that's what a green room of a comedy theater is?". Understand "lights" and "fluorescent" as flicker while the player is in Prestage. Every turn while the player is in Prestage: if a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds, say "The fluorescent lights overhead flicker.". A laugher is a kind of person. A laugher is usually smokable. Chris Gethard is an unsmokable male laugher. Shannon O'Neill is a female laugher. Robert Connor is a male laugher. Achilles Stamatelaky is a male laugher. Charlie Todd is a male laugher. Chelsea Clarke is a female laugher. Kevin Cragg is a male laugher. Amey Goerlich is a female laugher. Ryan Karels is a male laugher. Silvija Ozols is a female laugher. Ari Voukydis is a male laugher. Betsy Stover is a female laugher. Doug Moe is a male laugher. Susannah Becket is a female laugher. Jim Santangeli is a male laugher. Nate Smith is a male laugher. Eddie Dunn is a male laugher. Tim Curcio is a male laugher. Gavin Speiller is a male laugher. Tricia McAlpin is a female laugher. Eugene Cordero is a male laugher. Amber Petty is a female laugher. Jessie Schupack is a female laugher. Phil Jackson is a male laugher. JD Amato is a male laugher. Every turn while the player is in House: if the player is not in Bar and a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds, say "Something funny must be happening on stage (which is visible), since you hear [a random laugher] laugh.". [crowd] fans are backdrop in Watchers. The description of fans are "A mixture: many wide-eyed students who have just learned the structure of Harold, their skeptical friends who seem won or lost on how funny the last line spoken on stage was, regulars who seem to laugh before a performer even finishes their moves, and crusty vets who watch with bemused resignation. ". Understand "crowd" and "people" and "audience" as fans while the player is in Watchers. students are backdrop in Watchers. The description of students are "Lots of improv 201 students who are holding their heads in bewilderment, and improv 401 and higher students who are watching with quiet intense ambition to someday be on that stage.". Understand "wide-eyed" and "advanced" as students while the player is in Watchers. friends are backdrop in Watchers. The description of friends is "Arms folded and leaning back, they are thinking '[one of]How much of this was planned before. No, but really, how much?[or]Hah, that one person is good.[or]If they had taken my suggestion this would be better.[or]They're barely using the suggestion; this sucks.[or]I could do this.[cycling]'". Understand "skeptical" as friends while the player is in Watchers. vets are backdrop in Watchers. The description of vets is "These people have been here for years. Some are on teams, others used to be. They know the performers from the classes they took with them.". Understand "crusty" as vets while the player is in Watchers. regulars are backdrop in Watchers. The description of regulars is "These are students so devoted they have lost sense of reality. They are staring in complete earnestness at the stage and taking notes.". Chapter 2 - Final Rooms Section 1 - Central Time Zone iO Theatre is a room. "You have travelled about 9 years and 1 hour earlier into the past. You're on a stage, where a class is currently taking place. The students are all sitting on the floor, nervous but engaged." The printed name of iO Theatre is "iO Theatre (1994)". After going to iO Theatre for the first time, increment the score. Del Close is a smokable teacher in iO Theatre. "Sitting in a chair watching the class is Del Close." The description of Del is "A large-framed man in his 50s, Del sits in a wooden cabaret chair and teaches the class. His deep voice can bark commands impatiently but also spread out and engulf the room in quiet, smart enthusiasm. He's at once worldly and sheltered. A genius theater director, he is clearly in his element here." Chicago is a region. iO Theatre is in Chicago. Every turn while the player is in Chicago: if a random chance of 1 in 4 succeeds, say "You hear [one of]the faint sounds of a Cubs game from outside and down the block[or]the muffled voice of Charna Halpern in the next room calling someone to say he's on a team[or]Noah Gregopolis nearby, explaining the proper way to perform 'Close Quarters'[or]the voices of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert coming from a television somewhere[cycling].". ioers is scenery in iO Theatre. Understand "students" and "class" as ioers when the player is in Chicago. The description of ioers is "The students are mostly in their early 20s. They look smart and excited. Hey, several of the teachers you've just met are amongst the faces here! The UCB4, Mullaney and even Delaney are all here." ucbers are scenery in iO Theatre. The description of ucbers is "Everyone looks younger.". Understand "Amy" and "Matt" and "Besser" and "Ian" and "Walsh" and "Roberts" and "Delaney" and "Michael" and "Kevin" and "Mullaney" as ucbers when the player is in Chicago. cabaret is scenery in iO Theatre. Understand "chair" as cabaret when the player is in Chicago. The description of cabaret is "A stylish cabaret chair of black polished wood. The back is shaped into a swirl and exclamation point." Section 2 - The Skull a glowing skull is a gift in iO Theatre. The description of the skull is "This is a real skull, very real, except that is glowing bright green with magick. Yes, with a 'k'.". The desired of Del is the skull. Instead of showing skull to Del, try giving skull to Del. Instead of giving skull to Del: say "Del takes the skull and examines it. After a moment he seems to recognize that this is HIS skull. He starts laughing. 'I am hilarious,' he says. Then he looks at you. 'Here, you keep this, and also I'm going to give you the final lesson.' He gives you the skull, reaches into his inner coat pocket and pulls out a packet of opium which he casts into the air..."; now Del is warm; try teaching truth; record "went back in time and learned from Del Close" in Table of Notes; now player is holding skull. Gazing into is an action applying to one thing. Understand "gaze into [something]" as gazing into. Check gazing into: if player is not holding noun, say "You must be holding it." instead; if noun is not skull: say "It seems too ordinary for true gazing." instead; if the player is in iO Theatre: say "You're already where the skull takes you to: the iO Theatre in 1994.". Carry out gazing into: say "As you gaze into [noun] you feel yourself dissolving from space and reappearing somewhere and someWHEN else..."; if noun is skull: now player is in iO Theatre. After taking skull: say "You feel a very strong urge to GAZE INTO the skull...". After examining skull: say "You feel a very strong urge to GAZE INTO the skull...". [windy city alternate life] NYC Improv Megapolis Office is a room. The description is "This is an office in NYC Improv Megapolis Office, a multi-billion dollar corporate improv organization with offices in every major city in the world. The sole exit is to the south.". Terry Jinn is a man in NYC Improv Megapolis Office. The description of Terry is "A serene man who is standing here with his hands calmly folded.". Cubicle is south of NYC Improv Megapolis Office. The description of Cubicle is "A boring lifeless cubicle where you work on documenting improv forms forever. There's a desk here but you're too depressed to sit at it or do anything. Exit to the north.". Part 6 - Doing Improv Chapter 1 - Setting The Scene and Players Show is a region. Arena is in Show. Crowd is a backdrop in Show. The description of crowd is "Hushed and attentive. It's hard to see with the lights, but you can tell by the way your words get swallowed up that it's a full house.". Understand "audience" as crowd while player is in Show. StageLights are a backdrop in Show. The description of StageLights is "They are bright. You can't see the audience except for the people in the front rows.". Understand "lights" as StageLights while player is in Show. Front Rows are a backdrop in Show. The description of Front Rows is "You can make out: several grinning improv students, a middle aged guy with a Warner Bros. T-shirt and some lady who is frowning and will never smile.". Understand "people" as front rows while player is in Show. StageLights can be scened or unscened. StageLights are unscened. StageLights has an improviser called a scene partner. Stagelights has an improviser called walkon. An improviser can be taken or untaken. An improviser is usually untaken. Assigning is an action applying to nothing. Understand "assign" as assigning. Carry out assigning: now all improvisers are untaken; now the scene partner of StageLights is a random untaken improviser; now the scene partner of StageLights is taken; now the walkon of StageLights is a random untaken improviser. To say partner: say "[scene partner of StageLights]". To say walkon: say "[walkon of StageLights]". Before going south from Backstage: if player is not warm: say "You can't go. You're not warmed up yet. Type WARM UP." instead; else if the number of known improv moves is less than 8: say "You can't go on stage. You don't know enough improv lessons yet." instead; else if the number of known improv moves is 8: now the player holds the skull; say "I know I said that you needed 8. But now that you know all 8 lessons, you feel there's still something missing you ought to know. You are not yet ready to go on stage.[para]Something magically appears in your inventory. (type [b]i[/b] for [b]inventory[/b])." instead. After going south from Backstage: try assigning; say "Okay, you're finally ready. You and the rest of The Lament push aside a heavy black curtain to enter the stage. The audience cheers to greet you. [walkon] gets a suggestion, and you guys all do a quick pattern game. For the second scene you step out with [partner]. Deep breath, here we go..."; now The Lament are in Arena; continue the action. After going north from Arena: if StageLights are unscened, say "Leaving without doing a scene: great bit."; say "You and The Lament shuffle off. [walkon] edits to cover for the hasty exit."; say "[br]The ghost of Del Close appears, only to you and says: [i]'No one will remember that scene ever happened! The next time you step out, you will have a chance to re-do a VERY SIMILAR SCENE!'[/i] Amazing!"; now The Lament is in Backstage; now YesAnding is unused; [ends the internal scene 'Beat'] continue the action. Chapter 2 - Content of The Scene Beat is a recurring scene. Beat begins when the YesAnding is used. Beat ends when YesAnding is unused. Every turn while the player is in Arena and Beat is not happening: say "To start a scene, type INITIATE.". An improv move has some text called mantra. The mantra of YesAnding is "YES AND". The mantra of justifying is "JUSTIFY". The mantra of premise is "INITIATE WITH PREMISE". The mantra of committing is "COMMIT". The mantra of confidence is "BE CONFIDENT". The mantra of specificity is "BE SPECIFIC". The mantra of simplicity is "SIMPLIFY". The mantra of if-this-then-what is "HEIGHTEN". The mantra of truth is "BE TRUTHFUL". An improv move can be used or unused. An improv move is usually unused. An improv move can be scored or unscored. An improv move is usually unscored. Initiating is an action applying to nothing. Understand "initiate" as initiating. Check initiating: If player is not in Arena: say "You can only start a scene on the stage." instead. Carry out initiating: say "[if premise is known]Drawing from the opening, you initiate to [partner] 'This chair is coming with me when I do the triathlon.' [partner] takes a moment, then says 'They're gonna know you've got a chair with you'[else]Drawing from the suggestion, you start stretching. Then you and [partner] establish you're getting ready for a triathlon. Then you touch a chair, and [partner] asks if you are taking that chair with you and you say 'yes'[end if]."; now all improv moves are unused; if premise is known: now premise is used; record "initiated with premise" in Table of Notes; if premise is unscored: increase the score by 1; now premise is scored; now YesAnding is used; [begins the internal scene 'Beat'] now the StageLights are scened; try summarizing. Summarizing is an action applying to nothing. Carry out summarizing: let O be a list of texts; let L be the list of known unused improv moves; repeat with im running through L: add mantra of im to O; if number of entries in O is not 0, say "Options: you can: [O]. "; say "You can [if number of entries in O is not 0]also [end if]BLACKOUT to end the game[if fewer than 9 improv moves are known] or go WEST to keep exploring[end if].". invoking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "invoke [improv move]" as invoking. Check invoking: if Beat is not happening: say "Wait until you're doing a scene on the stage!" instead; else if noun is unknown: say "You need to learn the improv lesson [noun] to do that!" instead; else if noun is used: say "You've already done that. I know you can re-use moves in a real improv scene. But this is just a game." instead. To say audience-pleased: say "[br][one of]The audience is the right kind of quiet; they're listening[or]You hear a couple of quiet giggles -- the kind that means they're relating to what's going on. This is good[or]You hear a few people from the Performer's Corner laughing, which means the people who really know they're stuff like this[or]You hear Ian laugh! Now you KNOW this is killing[or]The audience is reacting to everything -- when this kind of energy gets going, this is easy. YOU LOVE THIS[or]You could keep this scene going for hours! Everything is hitting hugely[or]You guys have crushed it[cycling]". Carry out invoking: if noun is: -- if-this-then-what: if justifying is unused: say "Wait at least until the premise is justified."; else: say "[walkon] walks on and cuts to an Olympic subcommittee meeting and says to you and [partner] 'Look, we're testing you two for the presence of chairs. Give us a urine sample.' [if specificity is used] You snort and grumble about the IOC being a buncha squares[end if][if committing is used] Then you perfectly mime the 'defendant's microphone' you're speaking into[end if]."; now if-this-then-what is used; if if-this-then-what is unscored: increase the score by 1; now if-this-then-what is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- justifying: say "[partner] says 'You don't need a chair in a triathlon.' You [if committing is used]thunder forth[else]say[end if] to [partner] 'I've always practiced with this chair, and it's important for an athlete to not break his routine![run paragraph on][if specificity is used] So cheese it, bra[else]I got this[end if]!"; now justifying is used; if justifying is unscored: increase the score by 1; now justifying is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- simplicity: if if-this-then-what is unused: say "Not yet. You don't really need to simplify if you haven't heightened."; else: say "[partner] says 'So chairs are important, I get it. And you've worked hard. And you're from a long line of athletes.' And you say 'Look, [if specificity is used] bro, [end if]I just want to win the Olympics'."; now simplicity is used; if simplicity is unscored: increase the score by 1; now simplicity is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- confidence: say "Your posture straightens, your voice strengthens and you feel you can do no wrong. To flaunt your new playfulness, you reveal your character has a pet dolphin. Not on game, but you feel invincible. [partner] seems energized, too."; now confidence is used; if confidence is unscored: increase the score by 1; now confidence is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- specificity: say "You adjust your performance from merely being a 'triathlete' to 'well-meaning dude triathlete' from Massachusetts.[run paragraph on][if committing is used] You mime slapping a sweatband onto your head.[run paragraph on][end if] [partner] can tell, and asks you how the Red Sox are doing, to which you reply 'Wicked'."; now specificity is used; if specificity is unscored: increase the score by 1; now specificity is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- committing: say "You buckle down and truly become your character. You can see the runner's shorts you're wearing, you can feel the snug [if specificity is used]Nike Air[else]expensive[end if] sneakers around your ankles. [partner] also commits more."; now committing is used; if committing is unscored: increase the score by 1; now committing is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player; -- truth: if confidence is unused: say "Not yet. Be a little more confident first."; else if justifying is unused: say "Not yet. Not before you've justified."; else if committing is unused: say "Not yet. Maybe commit first?"; else if specificity is unused: say "Not yet. Make your performance specific first."; else if if-this-then-what is unused: say "Not yet. Heighten first!"; else if simplicity is unused: say "Not yet. Simplify what's going on a bit first."; else: say "You say 'If you want to test me for chairs, just [i]look and see if I have a chair[/i]'."; now truth is used; if truth is unscored: increase the score by 1; now truth is scored; say "[audience-pleased]."; try calming player. Report invoking: try summarizing. Understand "heighten" as heightening. Heightening is an action applying to nothing. Instead of heightening, try invoking if-this-then-what. Understand "justify" as sensifying. Sensifying is an action applying to nothing. Instead of sensifying, try invoking justifying. Understand "simplify" as simplifying. Simplifying is an action applying to nothing. Instead of simplifying, try invoking simplicity. Understand "commit" as acting. acting is an action applying to nothing. Instead of acting, try invoking committing. Understand "be confident" as owning. Owning is an action applying to nothing. Instead of owning, try invoking confidence. Understand "be specific" as specifying. Specifying is an action applying to nothing. Instead of specifying, try invoking specificity. Understand "be truthful" as truthifying. Truthifying is an action applying to nothing. Instead of truthifying, try invoking truth. Chapter 3 - Panicking Every turn while Beat is happening, try panicking player. Nervousness is a kind of value. Nervousnesses are none, mild, moderate, pronounced, extreme, paralyzing. The player has nervousness. The nervousness of the player is usually none. Panicking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "panic [something]" as panicking. Understand "panicking [something]" as panicking. Carry out panicking: if the nervousness of the noun is: -- none: now the nervousness of the noun is mild; -- mild: now the nervousness of the noun is moderate; say "You notice the audience is quiet, not the good kind."; -- moderate: now the nervousness of the noun is pronounced; say "Sweat is welling up on your temples."; -- pronounced: now the nervousness of the noun is extreme; say "You become aware of classmates who think they are better than you watching you."; -- extreme: now the nervousness of the noun is paralyzing; say "You can see way in the back of the house Owen Burke has started looking at his phone."; -- paralyzing: say "Oh man. You have frozen up."; try editing; -- otherwise: now the nervousness of the noun is none; if StageLights are unscened: say "Type INITIATE to do a scene, BLACKOUT to end the game, or go EAST to do more exploring." Calming is an action applying to one thing. Understand "calm [someone]" as calming. Check calming: if noun is not player, say "You soothe [noun]." instead. Carry out calming: now nervousness of noun is none. Chapter 4 - Editing The Scene Table of Story Endings totalgood edit endstory 0 "Blackout, mercifully." "You leave the theatre with your head hung low. You can barely look up and when you do, that person you're attracted to is there, avoiding your gaze. You walk by Owen Burke and see in his notebook the words 'CUT' next to your name." 1 "Blackout, mercifully." "You leave the theatre with your head hung low. You can barely look up and when you do, that person you're attracted to is there, avoiding your gaze. You walk by Owen Burke and see in his notebook the words 'CUT' next to your name." 2 "Blackout, mercifully." "You leave the theatre with your head hung low. You can barely look up and when you do, that person you're attracted to is there, avoiding your gaze. You walk by Owen Burke and see in his notebook the words 'CUT' next to your name." 3 "Blackout." "Ooof. That did NOT feel good. You are definitely going right home." 4 "Blackout. Mild applause." "Not too great. But you tell yourself that you made some good moves and that it was just a weak audience tonight. Yeah, that's what happened." 5 "Blackout. Good applause." "Good show. Was it? Yeah, it was." 6 "Blackout. Good applause." "Good show. Some down points, but you guys brought it around, mostly. You walk out from notes with your head held high." 7 "Blackout. Big pop of applause." "Great show. A few bumps, but it definitely hit hard. On your way to the back hallway for notes you see that person you're attracted to waving at you. " 8 "Blackout. Big pop of applause." "Great show. Man it feels so easy when it works! You walk off stage and your team is all smiles. As you walk out, you're making jokes with people you've barely even talked to. That person you're attracted to gives you a half-hug. This was a good night." 9 "Blackout. Whoa! BIG applause!" "Perfect show. You feel amazing. People are slapping you on the back and still laughing. Ian stops you on your way out and compliments the show. There's a thread about you on the IRC. Mullaney asks if you've ever thought about teaching. That night at McManus that person you're attracted to sits next to you and quotes your own jokes back to you. You go home and sleep serenely for the first time in your suddenly fulfilled life." To say assessment: let ki be the number of known used improv moves; if ki is 0 or ki is 1 or ki is 2: say "a terrible"; else if ki is 3 or ki is 4: say "a pretty bad"; else if ki is 5 or ki is 6: say "a good"; else if ki is 7 or ki is 8: say "a great"; else: say "a perfect". Editing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "edit" and "blackout" and "lights" as editing. Check editing: if player is not in Arena: say "But you're not on stage!" instead; If player is in Arena and StageLights are unscened: say "You haven't even done a scene yet. Try to [b]INITIATE[/b]" instead; Carry out editing: let ki be the number of known used improv moves; choose a row with totalgood of ki in the Table of Story Endings; say "[edit entry]"; try noting; say "[paragraph break][endstory entry]"; choose a row with totalgood of ki in the Table of Story Endings; end the story finally saying "You had [assessment] show". Chapter 5 - Notes Table of Notes feat (text) with 25 blank rows To record (occurrence - text) in (target table - a table name): choose a blank row in the target table; now the feat entry is the occurrence. To say stammer: say "[one of]let's see, what else?[no line break][or]good, good[or]um, can't read my notes here[or]we've been working on those things, good[or]uh, hmm[or]a little too much 'talking heads' going on, guys[cycling]". Noting is an action applying to nothing. Carry out noting: say "[para]You and The Lament gather in the Back Hallway for notes from your coach, Jackie Clarke."; say "[para]Jackie says... 'Okay you guys, let's see: "; let UI be the list of used improv moves; if the number of entries in UI is not 0: say "Well, you used [UI], [stammer]..."; say "Oh, yeah, you ALSO [no line break]"; repeat through Table of Notes: say "[feat entry], "; say "[stammer]... "; if number of characters in last error is not 0: say "and then at one point you said '[last error]' which I didn't get but that's fine...[no line break]"; say " And that's it! By the way, I think it's kinda bullshit that there's only two female teachers in this game. I hope this place gets more progressive after 2003!' She pockets her notebook. 'Good job, guys!'". Part 7 - Shows in Background CurrentShow is a backdrop. It is in MainSeats and House. Understand "show" and "performance" and "stage" as CurrentShow. CurrentShow has a text called team. CurrentShow has a text called skit. CurrentShow has a text called teamdescription. CurrentShow has a number called skitcount. The skitcount of CurrentShow is 1. CurrentShow can be seen or unseen. CurrentShow is unseen. Changing Skits is an action applying to nothing. Understand "change skits" as changing skits. Carry out changing skits: let oldteam be team of CurrentShow; let r be the next row to use in scenes-list; choose row r from Table of Skits; now team of CurrentShow is team entry; now skit of CurrentShow is skitsummary entry; if team of CurrentShow is a team listed in Table of Teams: now teamdescription of CurrentShow is description entry; else: now teamdescription of CurrentShow is "Some team."; If oldteam is not team of CurrentShow: now CurrentShow is unseen; if the player is in the MainSeats or the player is in the House, say "A new team is taking the stage. The audience claps happily and people scramble back and forth through the curtain."; else: now skitcount of CurrentShow is 1. When play begins: try changing skits. Every turn when the player is in the MainSeats or the player is in the House: increase skitcount of CurrentShow by 1; if skitcount of CurrentShow is 6: try changing skits; Instead of examining CurrentShow: say "[team] is on. [if unseen][teamdescription][end if]"; say "[paragraph break]Right now, [skit][br]"; if team of CurrentShow is "The Swarm" and the player is in The Bar, say "[br]The ghost of Del Close appears and says 'You may have noticed that Billy Merritt is here in the The Bar with you, but he is also on stage with his team The Swarm. That is possible because I, the ghost of Del Close, allowed it so that he could be here to teach you a lesson! Good day' and then vanishes. Wow, weird."; now CurrentShow is seen; try changing skits. Table of Teams team description "The Swarm" "The best team at the theater -- patient, absurd and sharp." "Respecto" "An explosively hilarious and fast team." "Mother" "Masterfully slipping between loud silly joy and quietly brilliant." "Monkeydick" "A former practice group that spends much of its shows making fun of each other." Table of Skits team skitsummary "The Swarm" "Daly and Secunda are customers in a donut shop. Daly is arguing that because he is bigger, he deserves a bigger donut." "The Swarm" "Blumenfeld is delivering newspapers he wrote himself 'with the REAL TRUTH' to a bashful housewife played by Conroy." "The Swarm" "Katie is threatening to set herself on fire in protest of human rights while Secunda, Daly, Conroy and Blumenfeld are debating over the proper F-Stop on a camera to properly record the blaze." "The Swarm" "Conroy is a lawyer trying to describe a father's will to a family of circus performers." "The Swarm" "Delaney is a Scottish man excited to visit one of these 'MacDonalds'" "Respecto" "Chad is a veternarian who elects to put animals to sleep the moment they misbehave." "Respecto" "Paul is a jet ski stunt driver trying to impress his Japanese manservant played by Huebel." "Respecto" "Jackie is a male bowling instructor aggressively hitting on a blushing Owen, who is playing a girl from a finishing school." "Respecto" "Paul Scheer is a fat, obnoxious lady, styling the hair of highbrow Connecticut wife Jackie Clarke, who is complaining about how her husband made her get her vagina sewn shut because he hates their children so much." "Respecto" "Rob Huebel and Rob Riggle are Vietnam vets who wander into a Star Trek convention, mistaking it for a futuristic warfare expo." "Respecto" "Dannah Feinglass and Danielle Schnider are two twin brothers who are also karate instructors who are also current reigning karoke champions of East Jersey." "Mother" "Jon Daly is Gallagher being employed by James Eason, who owns Google." "Mother" "Jason Mantzoukas and Christine Walters are acting out a musical number from the Billy Joel Broadway show 'Moving Out.'" "Mother" "Jessica St. Clair and Tara Copeland are having a home-school prom." "Mother" "The entire ensemble is a sex robot assembly line." "Mother" "Jon Daly is a British Dandy trying to convince two Mexican thugs, played by James Eason and Jessie Falcon, to let him be a drug mule." "Monkeydick" "Curtis Gwinn is ordering John Gemberling to not use his laughing gas machine while he takes a nap with earmuffs on." "Monkeydick" "Mitch Magee and Rob Lathan are two hunters. Mitch wants to fall in love with a tree. Rob keeps getting caught in bear traps." "Monkeydick" "Brian Berrebbi and John Gemberling suspect that they are living in a house formerly owned by clowns." "Monkeydick" "Matt DeCoster and Andy Rocco are two scarecrows who are trying to escape their farm but keep accidentally running into each other." Andy Secunda is a male performer. Dave Blumenfeld is a male performer. Sean Conroy is a male performer. Katie Roberts is a female performer. Andy Daly is a male performer. Paul Scheer is a male performer. Jackie Clarke is a female performer. Rob Huebel is a male performer. Rob Riggle is a male performer. Jon Daly is a male performer. Jason Mantzoukas is a male performer. Christine Walters is a female performer. Jessica St Clair is a female performer. Tara Copeland is a female performer. Jessie Falcon is a male performer. James Eason is a male performer. Curtis Gwinn is a male performer. Mitch Magee is a male performer. Rob Lathan is a male performer. Brian Berrebbi is a male performer. John Gemberling is a male performer. Matt DeCoster is a male performer. Andy Rocco is a male performer. Dannah Feinglass is a female performer. Danielle Schnider is a female performer. scenes-list is a cyclic list controller. The associated list is the Table of Skits. Part 8 - Cheating and Ghosts Xyzzying is an action applying to nothing. Understand "xyzzy" as Xyzzying. Carry out xyzzying: now YesAnding is unused; [to end Beat, if player was in Beat] now all teachers are warm; now the player is holding all improv moves; now all the teachers are bitted; now all improv moves are known; now the player holds the skull; now the player is in Backstage. Before xyzzying: say "There's a flash! Suddenly, you know all the improv moves, are holding a magical item and are backstage -- ready to do improv on the stage, which is to the south. (Congrats, interactive fiction nerd)."; continue the action. Plughing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "plugh" as Plughing. Carry out plughing: say "A hollow voice says 'nerd!'" Timmying is an action applying to nothing. Understand "Timmy" or "Wood" or "Tim Wood" or "tim" or "Timmy Wood" or "fook" or "dah fook" as Timmying. Carry out Timmying: let r be the next row to use in the fooklist; choose row r in the Table of Fook; say "There's a warm flash! The ghost of Timmy Wood appears before you, says '[timmyism entry][no line break]' and then vanishes. You smile." fooklist is a cyclic list controller. The associated list is the Table of Fook. Table of Fook timmyism “Suck it down, Charlie Brown!” “Check, please!” “One more picky for my ticky” “Dah Fook?" Part 9 - Listing Exits, Formatting When play begins: now right hand status line is "Exits:[exit list]"; now left hand status line is "[location]". To say exit list: let place be location; repeat with way running through directions: let place be the room way from the location; if place is a room: if place is not Arena or location is Backstage: choose row with a heading of the way in the Table of Abbreviation; say "[shortcut entry] ". Table of Abbreviation heading shortcut north "N" northeast "NE" northwest "NW" east "E" southeast "SE" south "S" southwest "SW" west "W" up "U" down "D" inside "in" outside "out" To say i -- beginning say_i -- running on: (- style underline; -). To say /i -- ending say_i -- running on: (- style roman; -). To say b -- beginning say_b -- running on: (- style bold; -). To say /b -- ending say_b -- running on: (- style roman; -). To say para -- running on: (- DivideParagraphPoint(); new_line; -). To say br -- running on: (- new_line; -). Part 10 - Help Introing is an action applying to nothing. Carry out introing: say "You are an improv student at the UCB Theatre in 2003. Find 8 teachers, get each of them to teach you an improv lesson, then find your improv team and then do a scene on the UCB stage."; Recapping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "recap" as recapping. Carry out recapping: say "[b]LOOK[/b]: describes the current room.[line break][b]N, S, E, W, U or D[/b] move you from room to room. Exits from the current room are listed in the upper right hand corner.[line break][b]GET[/b] gifts (like GET SWORD) and then [b]GIVE[/b] them to teachers (GIVE SWORD TO BILLY) to learn lessons.[line break][b]I[/b] for inventory shows what you're holding and what lessons you've learned.[line break][b]X[/b] is to examine things, like [b]X SWORD[/b] You can X anything: things, people, etc...[line break][b]DO BITS WITH[/b] people to get more clues. Do it more than once.[line break][b]HINT[/b] gives a hint.[line break][b]RESTART[/b] starts over.[line break][b]RECAP[/b] prints this.[line break][b]SCORE[/b] tells you your score. Yes, we keep score though it doesn't matter.[line break]Many other commands work too (JUMP, OPEN, WASH HANDS), but they aren't necessary.[paragraph break]Find all 8 teachers, get improv lessons, then go to the stage (which you have to find) and do improv." Abouting is an action applying to nothing. Understand "about" or "credits" as abouting. Carry out abouting: let folks be the list of all people who are not part of The Lament; sort folks in random order; say "This was written in 2013 by me, Will Hines, who has performed and taught at UCBT in New York since 2000. It was (fellow UCB performer) Neil Casey's idea, and originally was going to be playable only by establishing a telnet connection to ucb's website, which is a sentence few of you will understand or care about.[para]The geography of the theatre is pretty accurate EXCEPT that I made NORTH point towards the stage (in reality, it's EAST) because it made the map (if you draw one) look a bit more sensible. All opinions and characterizations are the author's. If you have suggestions or questions, contact him at his gmail address, of which his handle is whines.[para]Thanks for the help testing from: J.D. Amato, Eva Anderson, Benjamin Apple, Neil Casey, Andrew Chang, Adam Conover, Ramsey Ess, Charone Frankel, Chris Griswold, Susan Hale, Clif Henning, Rory Kulz, Dan Maher, James McCarthy, Avery Monsen, Morgan Phillips, Chris Sarantos, Charlie Todd and Timmy Wood.[para]Thanks to Emily Short and Graham Nelson for the wonderful Inform 7 language .[para]People mentioned in this game (characters who are teachers in this game are boldfaced) [folks]."; helping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "help", "hint", "hints", "info" as helping. carry out helping: if player is in Arena: say "You are on the stage. Type [b]INITIATE[/b] to do a scene, or else type [b]LOOK[/b] and the game will give you a list of moves you can try."; else if bar is unvisited: say "What you need is to get started. Try these three things:[br] Type [b]LOOK[/b] to see the description of your current room.[br] Use compass directions - [b]N, S, E, W, NE, SW[/b] to go to different rooms.[br] [b]EXAMINE[/b] (something) or [b]X[/b] (something) to inspect things and people."; else if Billy is cold: say "Billy wants the fake ninja sword. Try [b]GIVE SWORD TO BILLY[/b]."; else if number of known improv moves is 0: say "Find the bar, where you will find the teacher Billy Merritt. [b]DO BITS WITH Billy[/b]. Start with Billy at the bar."; else if number of known improv moves is 1: say "Right now, you just need to explore more. Find gifts and [b]X[/b] them. With teachers, [b]X[/b] them and [b]DO BITS WITH[/b] them."; else if Box Office is unvisited: say "Find teacher Matt Besser in the Box Office. To get there from The Bar, go E and then S."; else if premise is unknown: say "Besser is interested in promotion which means he's interested in flyers. You've seen a flyer. Give that to him."; else if Pat Baer is thirsty: say "Pat Baer in the Tech Booth has something you need. And Pat wants something: he is thirsty."; else if Performer's Corner is unvisited: say "You need to find teacher Matt Walsh. Go north through the theater behind the audience to find the Performer's Corner."; else if if-this-then-what is unknown: say "Walsh likes The Chicago Bears. Check out the Hot Chicks Room south of the Green Room."; else if CouchesRoom is unvisited: say "You need to find teacher Michael Delaney. Check out the rooms in and around the Green Room area, which north of the main theater area."; else if specificity is unknown: say "Delaney loves a particular TV show which you can hear him talk about."; else if Notes is unvisited: say "You need to find teacher Kevin Mullaney. He is in the rooms that make up the hallways north of the Green Room area."; else if simplicity is unknown: say "Mullaney (a teacher) doesn't just love improv. Check the book he's holding. Then go to the room where Besser is."; else if Chill-Out Room is unvisited: say "Amy (teacher) is in the Chill-Out Room, northeast of where Mullaney is giving notes."; else if committing is unknown: say "Amy is nostalgic for her old improv team from Chicago. Check out the mound of props in the dressing room for something she might like."; else if MainSeats is unvisited: say "Ian (teacher) is in the Audience, east of the Back of the House. EXAMINE and DO BITS WITH him to see what he wants"; else if justifying is unknown: say "Ian likes a particular music artist, which you can deduce from looking at the ticket in his pocket. There's a mix CD in the tech booth."; else if player is holding skull and truth is unknown: say "You learned all improv lessons but one. A skull has appeared in your possessions. You must GAZE INTO SKULL."; else if player is in iO Theatre: if truth is unknown: say "Del wants the skull."; else: say "Try DO BITS WITH DEL to see what Del wants. Hint: you are holding what he wants."; else if truth is known: say "You know all the improv lessons. Get to the stage to do your improv show. If you're having trouble finding the stage, head east from where Pat Baer is."; else: say "Go through rooms, examine things, find people and talk, take stuff and give it to others."; say "[br]([b]RECAP[/b] will remind you of common commands).". Rule for amusing a victorious player: say "Have you tried....[para]Smoking pot with Delaney? Others?[br]Turning the knob on the sewer pipe?[br]Warming up? Around different people?[br]Entering the stage from the audience?[br]Examining each team photo in the Lobby?[br]Playing the piano?[br]Checking the scenes on stage when you're in the house?[br]Listening to Mullaney while he gives PCR notes? Or Gethard as he gives Dillinger notes? Repeatedly?[br]Examining PCR, Dillinger, The Lament and each member of those teams and also doing bits with them?[br]Doing bits with everyone you see?[br]Examining the bulletin board?[br]Examining the improv lessons?[br]Clapping? Laughing? [br]Typing 'got your back' when you're backstage?[br]Tried playing cards with anyone besides Mullaney?[br]Doing bits with the skull?[br]Using the bathrooms?[br]Dropping the pot Delaney gives you?[br]Typing the old-school IF mantras XYZZY or PLUGH?[br]finding the 21st point?[br]Examining the audience, and DO BITS WITH each of the Hines Brothers?[br]Typing 'Timmy Wood'?[br]Leaving the UCB history pamphlet in the iO Theatre, then returning to UCB?". Walkthroughing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "Walkthrough" and "walkthru" as walkthroughing. Carry out walkthroughing: say "TUTORIAL OFF[br] D[br] GET SWORD[br] X PHOTOS[br] X MONKEYDICK[br] W[br] X BILLY[br] DO BITS WITH BILLY[br] GIVE SWORD TO BILLY[br] DO BITS WITH BILLY[br] GET SODA[br] W[br] W[br] GET FLYER[br] X FLYER[br] E[br] E[br] N[br] E[br] X BESSER[br] DO BITS WITH BESSER[br] GIVE FLYER TO BESSER[br] DO BITS WITH CHUCK[br] X NEIL[br] GET CARDS[br] W[br] S[br] W[br] X STAGE[br] X AUDIENCE[br] W[br] W[br] W[br] GET TAPE[br] N[br] X PAT[br] GIVE SODA TO PAT[br] DO BITS WITH PAT[br] S[br] W[br] N[br] E[br] GET FIGURE[br] W[br] W[br] SEARCH MOUND[br] GET PAINTING[br] E[br] N[br] X DELANEY[br] GIVE TAPE TO DELANEY[br] DO BITS WITH DELANEY[br] SMOKE POT[br] W[br] GET TEA[br] E[br] S[br] S[br] W[br] N[br] X MULLANEY[br] GIVE CARDS TO MULLANEY[br] DO BITS WITH MULLANEY[br] LISTEN TO MULLANEY[br] X PCR[br] X DIPPOLD[br] DO BITS WITH SANDERS[br] NW[br] X AMY[br] GIVE PAINTING TO AMY[br] DO BITS WITH AMY[br] SE[br] S[br] S[br] LISTEN TO GETHARD[br] X DILLINGER[br] X LENNON[br] DO BITS WITH ERIK[br] N[br] E[br] E[br] GIVE TEA TO GAUSAS[br] E[br] GIVE FIGURE TO WALSH[br] E[br] N[br] X IAN[br] GIVE CD TO IAN[br] DO BITS WITH IAN[br] S[br] W[br] W[br] N[br] N[br] E[br] S[br] WARM UP[br] S[br] I[br] X SKULL[br] GAZE INTO SKULL[br] X DEL[br] X STUDENTS[br] GIVE SKULL TO DEL[br] DO BITS WITH DEL[br] SE[br] S[br] E[br] E[br] N[br] N[br] E[br] WARM UP[br] GOT YOUR BACK[br] BLURGL[br] S[br] INITIATE[br] BE CONFIDENT[br] COMMIT[br] BE SPECIFIC[br] JUSTIFY[br] HEIGHTEN[br] SIMPLIFY[br] BE TRUTHFUL[br] BLACKOUT[br] AMUSING". Index map with an EPS file and font set to "Cooper Black", room-size set to 65, room-name-size set to 18, room-name-length set to 40, map-outline set to off, room-outline set to off, title set to "UCB Theatre 2003", room-colour of Show set to "Black", room-colour of Prestage set to "Pale Green", room-colour of Nasty set to "Light Grey", room-colour of Wires set to "Light Steel Blue", room-colour of Utility set to "Moccasin", room-colour of House set to "Orange", room-colour of Seated set to "Crimson", room-name of Seated set to "Seats", room-name-colour of Arena set to "White", room-name of Performer's Corner set to "Corner", room-name of Curtain's Edge set to "Curtain", room-name of BackHouse set to "Back", room-name of The Bar set to "Bar", room-name of PianoSpot set to "Piano", room-name of BathroomsEntrance set to "Corner", room-name of CouchesRoom set to "Couch", room-name of Green Room set to "Green", room-name of Dressing Room set to "Dress", room-name of OtherDressing set to "Dress", room-name of Hot Chicks Room set to "Chicks", room-name of Chill-Out Room set to "Chill", room-name of Gross Corner set to "Gross", room-name of Back Hallway set to "Back", room-name of Vestibule set to "Vest", room-name of Booth set to "Tech", room-name of EastBooth set to "Corner", room-name of Backstage set to "Back", room-name of BoardRoom set to "Mops", room-name of Box Office set to "Box", room-name of Entrance set to "Start", room-name of The Lobby set to "Lobby", room-name of Women's Room set to "WR", room-name of Men's Room set to "MR".