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Spite Hate Mail: Hey, Spite turns two on December 10. You probably know this, as I'm sure that all the other major web zines - Suck, Salon, Smug, Fray, The Finger, cnn.com, glassdog.com - have been parading the Spite banner on their front pages for weeks now, in preparation of this glorious event. I mean, it's no secret that Spite is considered a bit of an elder statesman here in the web world, and everyone hangs on our every word. Eh? Excuse me, I'm being handed a bulletin. It reads "No one cares." Ah. Well, in that case, uh, ... here's the mail. -ed. From: ToxicChuck Date: November 10, 1998 Regarding: How Cool We Are Hey fucko, Keep Spite going. It is a long hard trip but the journey is the message. You have a good product and someday you will harvest the fruits of your efforts. Or something, Toxic I just like that he started this email "Hey Fucko." I'm using that. - ed. From: Matthew Rankin Date: November 17, 1998 Regarding: Our way way way way old article about Alanis Morisette. This site has more integrity than most. I congratulate you on your open hostility towards all that which deserves scorn. DON'T LET THE HATE DIE! Favorite article: Das Spot Discovered: Infoseek Search on: anti "Alanis Morrisette" Spiteful about: Any government, people who wear Adidas, devout christians, conservative people and any rap or techno artist that ever lived. Something specific and irrelevant: I change my underwear daily. Don't let the hate die? Okay: I hate people who still enjoy articles that make fun of Alanis Morisette. Thanks for the mail, though! - ed. From: Doctor Evil Date: November 17, 1998 Regarding: Our way way way way old article about Hanson, sort of. the editor of this magazine floats my boat. enough said. oh, HOW DAR U DISZ HANSNO! Favorite article: when you make fun of canadians, eh. Least favorite: arr, matey! they all is good! love them all, deario. . Discovered Spite through: the eyes of me mum! Spiteful about: those bloody new steam ships, beating my mary jane by 40 clicks! Something specific and irrelevant: I really am jimmy ray. Thank you, good doctor. Er, that is, BAD doctor. Ironically, this guy sent email from a Canadian server. I love all self-hatred. Except my own. - ed. From: Chirss Earnest Date: November 18, 1998 Regarding: Hilary Clinton What I want to know is what the fuck is going on with Hillary Clinton? Did somebody stick a vibrator up her ass and it gradually worked it's way up into her brain or something? I mean what kind of woman would marry a fucking loser like Clinton? And then stay with the guy after he has worked his way through all the non-lesbians in the White House? Are all American women completely stupid or something? Has anyone out there found themselves absolutely floored by the number of women who still think "the Great Fornicator" is the greatest thing since tampons? Give me a fucking break! Favorite article: Whatever I write and you publish.... Least favorite: Whatever I've written and you published... . Discovered Spite through: My therapist recommended it to me...it was either that or valium... Spiteful about: Everything and everybody connected to the media and government.... Something specific and irrelevant: I like to send love letters via email to various brutal, authoritarian, dictators around the world....I usually sign them as "Dan Rather" I mean, if she had played her cards right, she could have had YOUR life! - ed. From: LittleLux Date: November 28, 1998 Regarding: Single-Sex Angst your magazine makes us laugh. we are stuck in the melodrama of a single sex womens college run by nuns in philadelphia. we feel the pain. we are full of angst. we want you to know we have found your magazine to be a smile maker. thank you. Philadelphia nuns are the worst. With their grey hair and moralizing, you can't keep them straight from the Ben Franklin impersonators on every street corner. - ed. From: Damien Powers Date: November 29, 1998 Regarding: Democracy Is Dead I have to disagree with Mr. James Williamson... yes, our system is severely dysfunctional, but a random lottery is not the most prudent solution. I have given the matter much consideration, and I can only come to one conclusion: the only perfect government would be one that revolved completely around every little whim of my grandious mind. I mean, the world already revolves around me... why not the American government, too? Favorite article: that one about the thing that the author didn't like, but there was nothing he could do about it but whine Discovered Spite through: divine inspiration Spiteful about: People that use big words to make themselves sound intelligent, and I hate hypocrites too. Something specific and irrelevant: I have nothing better to do with my time that write meaningless letters to e-zines. But, my mamma always said that I watched too much TV... If you have time to write Spite, you're not watching enough TV. - ed. From: Andy grbowski Date: November 28, 1998 Regarding: Democracy Is Dead I liked your artical about "DEMOCRACY IS DEAD" but the truth is we as americans don't live in a democracy and never have and probally never will,our form of government is called a federal republic consisting of seperate partys the republican party and the democratic party are your two largest political partys and then you have a few smaller ones like the rainbow coalition and H Ross perot party I think they are called the American Reform party.The federal Republic party came first then came the democrats they belived in personal liberty and the limitation of the Federal government,but you see how that has turned out,the government has gotten larger and the liberties seem to be with 24 year old White House interns. If you are looking for an alternitive form of government I might sugjust the Libertarian party,a swell bunch of guys as long as they arn't in jail for tax evasion,but that is beside the point,they promise to abolish quite a few of the laws we now have and more personel freedoms even more than we have with our current party in charge,now wouldn't that be nice. Maybe I'll run one day and abolish even more laws.My platform would "MORE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL FOR EVERYONE" or how about "SOME POT WITH EVERY CHICKEN"or maybe " A LINE IN TIME IS FINE" I would throw some really cool parties in the White House and never get in trouble thats kind of how it is now but we are never invited.But anyway if this was a real democracy we would get a chance to vote on everythig.What they should do is have an election once a month,if the govt wants to raise taxes then let the people who have to pay it vote on it,if they wan't to add some laws let the people vote on them,once we have the right to vote on every issue the we will be a democracy.I also agree with you about following the way of comunism,for their system of govt was a "Centralized Republic" wich fell apart in 1991. keep up the good work Favorite article: I really don't have one yet Discovered Spite through: I was looking for oasis when an interview came up with noel gallagher came up Spiteful about: "THE MACHINE AND WHERE IT IS HEADED" Something specific and irrelevant: Some people say I'm strange,its true I like the BEACH BOYS and OASIS its irrelevant but my nose hurts It's pinko druggie commies like you that are sending this nation right to hell. Thanks for the compliment, though. - ed. You can also go to the front page of Spite, Or check out the old mail. |